worth

Watching kiddos at an Easter egg hunt.
Vann, Ken and Ryan with their daughters.
Grams with Coranelle before naptime.
Three generations of Munson women.
Coranelle with GPS.
Our little family on Easter. Horay for beautiful weather!
Her own little easter egg hunt.

Does anyone else ever get the blues when they ponder their own worth? Why is it that in our society, one's worth is often closely linked to the amount on their paycheck? Well, what about people like me, who don't get a paycheck. Does that mean we are worthless? Clearly, that's a rhetorical question, and I know that I am not worthless. But, sometimes.... I have to fight against the ideas that I am. You see, I started working when I was 10 years old. No lie. I started babysitting and I was restocking shelves at the local chocolate factory. I have worked ever since. I have nannied, tutored, waited tables in 4 different restaurants, been a barista, done landscaping for the town, and then I taught. So, it is a hard concept to get used to, to not "work" and get paid. When you've done something for 15 years, and then it's completely different, it doesn't come naturally to depend on someone else to provide. This all came about because we got to see Stefan and Rachael and their fun new place last night. They have done some great decorating and gotten some awesome new furniture. I started thinking it would be fun to add a few new touches to our house. I don't know- a head board, some throw pillows that don't have holes in them and smell of breast milk, just little things. But, I cannot help buy them. That's a strange feeling. I have always taken pride in my ability to earn money, save it and then use it. I saved for 4 years in HS so that I could study abroad in England for a year. That's what I am used to. On the other hand, Ryan has his eye on a few things- and he has more than earned them. He's truly a brilliant and incredibly hard working engineer and has earned a few spot bonuses this year and can use those to buy a used road bike and other fun things. Don't get me wrong- it's not as if he won't buy a new headboard for us. He will, and takes great care of us- paying for the necessities as well as fun vacations, clothes, outings and upgrades to our house. But, it would feel great to be able to contribute. (More than $40 per week from my weekly childcare job).

I think I have to just adjust to this life change and remember that I am contributing- just without the benefits of a personal paycheck. My job is to make sure my husband and daughter feel loved and taken care of. So, that means my role today is to play with my girl, feed her snacks, fold her diapers, go unload the dishwasher and vacuum, feed baby more, head out to Sprouts to get some groceries, play some more, feed baby again, make some dinner, play some more, and enjoy this time of my life. Paycheck or no, I am rewarded when my daughter suddenly masters how to drink from a staw, or watching her crawl around while holding onto her hideously ugly pig that she has taken to. I get to pick her up out of the crib after naps when she is still sleepy and cuddly (for about 10 seconds). I am the one who gets to tickle her, watch her learn to clap and practice walking. And really, that makes our 28 year old furniture and bed without a headboard or frame- matter less. Truly, earning a paycheck would not outweigh the joy I get in being with our daughter every day. I would be so so sad to miss out on our daily time together.

So, thanks for reading that rambling of thoughts. I hope you are all doing well!