affirmation

A fort at Grams and PopPop's house
Venturing into the fountains on her own.
Enjoying a carrot from my garden
After the hair cut.
The balding spot before the hair cut.


So, I guess I have neglected my blog for a while. Things have been busy!

Here is a quick update on the hair situation. After talking with my dad about the terrifying possibility of having to put Coranelle through the trauma of stomach surgery to remove hair that wouldn't pass, we promptly cut off all her locks. It was quite sad for me, but Coranelle doesn't seem to miss it one bit. For a few days, she would pretend to pull her hair and eat it, but couldn't grasp any hair to pull out. For the most part, she seems to have broken the habit. I put her on a vitamin supplement, in case the hair eating was related to a deficiency of some sort. I think that we have passed through the storm for the time being.

In other news, we are headed into a very busy few weeks! My brother is getting married very soon and we are so excited for their special day. Stefan and Rachael are truly wonderful for each other and I have never seen Stefan happier than in these past few years that he has been with Rachael. It will be great fun to see them "tie the knot". Ryan and I are both in the wedding and we are honored and very much looking forward to it and to seeing lots of family and friends. We are just hoping we can keep Coranelle awake and happy so that everyone can enjoy the festivities! My dad, step-mom and little brother are coming out later this week and it is the first time I have seen them since June of 2009! Coranelle was 2 weeks old! I am really looking forward to catching up with them and taking Kyle (little brother) and Coranelle out to do some fun things while they're here. My dad has less than one month left of cancer treatment and couldn't be more ready to be feeling better and have a little more energy!

We also have a vacation coming up and I am counting down the days. We are headed to Wisconsin with some great friends with girls Coranelle's age. One couple is from Wisconsin, so we are staying there with them and looking forward to hanging out by the lake and relaxing on the boat while enjoying great friends and company.

On top of all of that, I am currently working to get my Linguistically Diverse endorsement, more commonly known as my ESL certification so that I can continue to work with immigrants and English language learners when I head back to teaching. I might have a few more classes to take, but have been working on applications and studying for a test I will have to pass this fall with tons of information on it. There seem to be lots of jobs around here for ESL teachers and when I go back, that's what I'd love to do. So, I am trying to study all the ESL resources I can get my hands on to prepare for the test.

Now, for the "affirmation" part of the post. To give some background, I've been feeling a bit as if people, both strangers and not, have been judging me or looking down on me for staying home with Coranelle instead of going back to work. I had a dream the other night that a family member told me I was just wasting space because I wasn't bringing home a paycheck. I feel as if, when I get into a conversation with old friends, working moms, and random strangers that after people ask me what I do, and I answer, they feel as if they have nothing more to say to me. It's almost as if, when you are not a "working" member of society, you're not worth people' s time. I feel like this mindset in much different now than when my mom stayed at home with us as kids. As a mass generalization, it seems that women are placing more priority on careers than on families. Sometimes when people ask me what I do, they tend to assume that I must just sit around and watch TV all day. A working mom asked me earlier this year if I was enjoying my one year vacation. Ummmm... changing diapers, soothing a screaming child, endless lists of chores and planning doesn't quite strike me as a vacation. Anyhow, I've been feeling this way for a while. Even my closest mom friends work, at least part time. Do I need to go back to teaching? Is it worthwhile for me to stay at home? I even started looking at job openings (which there aren't), but I looked anyhow.

And then Saturday at church, our pastor was talking about priorities and how quickly time can escape us. On a side note, he mentioned how important he thought it was (if financially possible), for a mom to take a few years off and spend them with her young kids. He spoke about how quickly kids grow up and how easy it is to miss out on it. He also mentioned that no one can replace the role of a mom. Now, this was just a quick thought of his, but it really spoke to me. It was what I needed to hear. And it came from someone I give authority to in my life. I was actually surprised that he went on that tangent and felt so strongly about it, but I was glad. I needed to hear that what I am doing is important and valued. I won't lie and say that it is hard but at the end of the day, it is always worth it. Because, honestly, at the end of every day, I cannot tell you with confidence that the sacrifices that we make so I can stay home seem utterly and totally worth it. Some days, but not every day. Not on days when I pick up my child from the rec center child care, and they tell me she was super fussy. And then look over at my friend's baby and tell me that the other baby was a perfect angel. Not on days when she is ripping her hair out and eating it.

Let me make myself clear... I am NOT writing this post to say that the way we chose to do it is the perfect way. It's not. If families need dual income, want dual income and can make it work for the mom to work, that's awesome. I am not saying one way is better than another. If some moms just want to go back to work, wonderful. There are certainly days that I would like to as well. Absolutely NO judgment here. But for me, it was the little bit of affirmation that I needed. I got asked at a BBQ the next day, if I was going back to teaching. I also got two job offers for the coming year. I could confidently say that I was going to stay home with Coranelle until it got closer for her to go to school and then I would go back. I could proudly say that the time I had with her was short and precious and I was going to soak it in while I could, before I blinked my eyes and she was walking through the doors to Kindergarten. It was just a little piece of encouragement I needed to hear so that I didn't feel like wasted space or a worthless person who wasn't contributing to society or worthy of someone's time in a conversation.

So, for any other stay at home moms out there who have ever felt the same, for my own mom who stayed home with us- what you do is invaluable. Thank you. I know you don't get paid, I know you don't often get a whole lot of respect or affirmation, but thank you. And to all you moms who are working and being moms- thank you! The juggling you do to provide for you family and care for them is extremely honorable and incredible. Way to go!