I've been feeling a bit lonely recently. Nothing to cry over, just kind of a deep feeling inside my gut. You see, I used to be surrounded by people during all hours of the day. At any given moment, I had twenty 9 year olds that needed something or wanted to share something with me. I had lots of co-workers coming in and out of my classroom to chat and to plan lessons. Our social lives were pretty busy on weekends with other singles or newlyweds.
I suppose a lot has changed since I had a child. There are days where I go from 10am until 6pm without talking to another adult, except maybe the grocery clerk. It's okay, I really appreciate this time of my life and the chance to know Coranelle. But, sometimes it gets lonely. I believe it has been over a year since I saw one of my girlfriends that I knew and was close to before having a kid. And even then, I had Coranelle with me, so it was hard to be fully focused. That's not super alarming, really. In high school, most of my closest friends were guys. It wasn't until Capernwray that I had a girlfriend that I had always hoped and prayed for, the one you spend tons of times with and can talk to for hours on end. I had a few more in college, and I miss them dearly. Girlfriends that I could run with, bike with, train for triathlons with, pray with, cook with, have sleepovers with, pour my heart and soul to. Life has taken us to different corners of the nation and different pages of our stories. But I miss that closeness.
Don't get me wrong. I feel so thankful for the moms that I have made friends with in the past year or so. I have really enjoyed my time with them and they have been extremely supportive and helpful and kind. But, it is a different relationship. They don't KNOW me in the same way as my girlfriends from the past did. I am somehow now 90% Coranelle's mom, and 10% Kari. Or, it feels that way. And different parenting styles, work schedules, family planning, etc. often makes it so that Coranelle and I spend a grand portion of the day alone together. Some mornings when I wake up, I feel a little overwhelmed by the fact that I need to entertain Coranelle on my own for about 10 hours.
The two of us went to the zoo together Wednesday and I was hoping to have someone else come, but a few options fell through. We ended up having a total blast and she was an angel. I could really focus on her and what she wanted to see and explore and it was a really wonderful mother daughter day that I will treasure for a long time. I started reflecting on my loneliness and realized that I have something that not many women have.
My husband is truly my best friend. He is someone that I can share my soul with. We are that couple that likes to do almost everything together. He will bike, hike, run, swim, cook, relax, and explore with me. We think alike on just about everything. We agree on faith, politics, our individual roles, how to spend money, where to shop for our clothes, what kind of car to buy, how to save money, how to raise Coranelle, and on and on. Okay, so we disagree on how often the lawn should be mowed, but that's pretty minor. I am so thankful that I have my best friend by my side through all the transitions, drama, chaos, and blessings that life brings. I get to see him every morning and evening and find fun things to do with him and Coranelle all weekend long. Even when we're doing mundane projects like building a patio, we have a good time together. It's so refreshing to have a conversation with him in the evenings and feel like someone really knows me, gets me.
Although I do hope that as time goes on, I deepen some present relationships and create new ones, I truly appreciate my family and the people I have in my life right now.
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