Going private- please send me a note if you want to continue reading

So, I am working on making my blog private. I have been considering it for some time now and think it would be the right decision for the protection of my family and my writing. One of my other blogging friends recently walked me through how to check the stats on who visits my blog. Although I cannot see exactly who sees it, it is very clear that there are far more readers than I imagined- reading from countries far and wide. At first, I wasn’t too alarmed at the wide spread of countries from which my readers came from. After all, I studied abroad after high school and met students and friends from almost 80 different countries and have befriended many over time on facebook. Regardless, I kept checking the stats and discovered there were readers from places that I am positive I have never met the readers. That makes me uncomfortable when I am pouring my heart out as well as proudly displaying pictures of my very adorable and innocent daughter.

On top of the security/safety issue, I have decided I don’t really want my blog to be a site for people to visit when they are bored and have nothing better to do. That sounds really harsh, but I get the impression that acquaintances are reading my blog whom hardly know me at all. And, while that seems harmless, if you don’t know my heart, my family, or me I think my thoughts, feelings, ventings, and intentions can be easily misread or misinterpreted. I have gotten wind of these misinterpretations lately and I half considered quitting my blog altogether. But, I decided against it.

Let me explain: when I fist became pregnant, I started reading my friend Heidi’s blog and I learned all about her son and baby on the way. I loved and still love to read about her journey through motherhood and the joy and challenges that life brings her way. I love her honesty and transparency. She writes beautifully about what she is laughing and crying over and what she is learning. When I started my own blog, I vowed to emulate her blogging style. I wanted to be open and honest, as it is a trait that I very much appreciate in my friends and family. Too often in life, we come across people that pretend like everything is always sunny, happy and perfect- people who rarely admit that they are struggling with their self image, their marriage, their job, their relationships, their children or their faith. I, personally, have been put off by these kinds of people in the past and would prefer to be real. I figure that if I am real and admit my struggles and my own personal flaws, the people around me will also feel that they are allowed to be real. They don’t have to pretend that every day of their pregnancy is comfortable, fun and smiles. My hope is that they don’t have to pretend to be strong when they really need a place to break down or vent.

I suppose over time, my “mission statement” for my blog has become to create a place that other parents, new moms, expectant parents, etc can visit to feel some camaraderie in this huge aspect of our lives. I want them to read about things that they can empathize with, and feel like they are not alone in their experiences, expectations or feelings- whether those feelings are of utter joy or pure frustration and heartbreak. I have heard from other moms that it has been helpful to read posts about what my pregnancy, delivery, and the first months of Coranelle’s life were like. I hope that my blog continues to be helpful or insightful in that way. (That is certainly not to say that, if you aren’t a parent, you aren’t welcome to read my blog. It is just a warning that most of my posts will be related to being a parent or a stay-at-home mom.) It is also a place for me to vent, as I always gain some perspective as I am writing. It is a place for me to share my own struggles, our joys, my worries, concerns, hopes, fears and dreams. It is a place that I will often call out for advice to other mothers or friends. I don’t want to change that. I don’t want to make my blog purely a place for me to talk about what we did over the weekend, or how much my kids weigh. I have other outlets for that kind of information.

Too often recently, I have felt misunderstood on my blog. I have heard from others around me that- acquaintances read my blog and worry about how I am doing or didn’t like something I said. But, I want my blog to be a place that people can come to and if they have those worries or have been offended, they can contact me directly, or leave a comment. It feels too impersonal right now- like too many people have windows into my soul and are making their own judgments about who I am as a wife, mother and person.

For those people who really know me and spend time with us, I think they understand that I am often simply “venting” on my blog about a particular experience or stage that we are going through. They don’t question my sanity nor my tenacious and fierce love and adoration for my daughter and family. They understand that I am not probably going to make random posts about my day to day shopping trip with my daughter. Something has to motivate me to write- whether that be a celebration, something that Coranelle did that was super funny, cute or made me proud, or something that has made me cry, or something I am learning. Does that make sense?

That being said, if you would like to continue reading my blog and seeing pictures of Coranelle (and soon- Sheldon)- please send me your e-mail address. You can write me with your address at karialyssam@gmail.com . You will receive an invitation from Google, or my blog that requests that you sign in and accept the invite (I am not quite sure yet exactly how it works). But, if you don’t send me your e-mail address, within the next month or so, you will no longer have access to the blog.

"Real is something we become gradually, as we face life vulnerably, returning to God over and over and finding ourselves loved, even when life hurts, when it does not make sense, when we are angry and afraid."- Brenda Waggoner

Thanks for reading that long explanation. I hope you are all doing really well.

And now, for a little celebration- Today at gymnastics, Coranelle was bold enough to hang onto a ring 7 feet off the ground ( by herself) and swing out over the foam pit. (It’s kind of like a zipline). Not many of the kids will attempt it, or aren’t quite strong enough to hold on alone, but after watching a few kids do it for the last 4 classes, she jumped in and did it. It scared her to death to fall into the pit, but she bounced back quickly and also impressed my by venturing through the tunnels in the obstacle course for the first time ever. It’s so amazing to see her growing up so quickly!

So happy playing with her matchbox cars!