hindsight

Our pastor at church this week said something that really struck me:

" Things always look better in the rear view mirror than in the headlights"- Jim Burgren

How true. As I listened to our pastor's story about his bi-polar wife who struggles with seizures and migraines on top the manic/depressive disorder, I had to step back a little and look at my own life and struggles. Then, my heart was broken by a story from a family in our church who haa a 7 year old daughter with stage 4 cancer.

I am listening to all this, while feeling comfort that my clingy two year old would do fine in her room because she was with her favorite child care worker. This particular worker has had her file stamped "terminal" for years because she has lung cancer- and she is younger than I am and has never smoked a cigarette in her life. She is the one of the sweetest, kindest, most caring people I have ever met. Whew... heavy.

But, I hold on to Jim's quote. If our pastor and a family with a child who has cancer can say that things look better when looking back than they do when looking ahead, than I can say that about our issues too. I just have to have patience in waiting and learning through each situation until I can see it from the rear view mirror.

Already, I can say that my nursing struggles (though they lasted almost 3 months) are over. Sheldon has successfully switched to formula and takes it happily along with some solid foods. I am done nursing and feel relieved and much less stressed out and anxious. We are also in the midst of re sleep- training Sheldon, without his swaddle. Though we had a few rough naps, he seems to be sleeping better without being all bundled up like a burrito. He even has begun to roll over and enjoy the comfort of sleeping on his tummy. (He looks SO adorable, by the way). I can look in my rear view mirror and say that all of those things look so much better!

I have also begun reading a book called " I may frustrate you, but I'm a Keeper", by Ray W Lincoln. I highly recommend this to any parent out there. It basically breaks down the different personalities of kids (and parents), and guides you through how to best parent your child by understanding how your child operates. Those of you who know me well or have been reading this blog since Coranelle was a wee one, you know that she has been... spirited, touchy, ummm, difficult in many ways. Well, I am finally learning a bit more about her temperament and why she acts the way she does. She is unique- no more than two percent of the population has the temperament that Coranelle has. But, two notable people who did- the apostle Paul and Ghandi! Thus to say, she has the opportunity to be brilliant and very influential if we can guide her in the right direction. I am learning how highly emotional and complicated she is, but also how gifted she is and the unusual potential she has with handling people. She is constantly affected by her atmosphere and I pray that we can help to create one that will benefit and help her. I could rattle on for pages about what I am learning about Coranelle, but I won't. I just want to stress that as I look at the first 2 1/2 years of her life, in light of this wonderful book, it all makes sense. I admit that looking into the future (with my headlights), I feel a heavy sense of responsibility. But, I can see her intensity and her fragility and all of the positive things she has done with that in the past and that gives me hope for what the future holds.

I am also reading about my personality, which has the tendency to worry and be pessimistic about anything. I am learning how worry is not a normal or healthy state of mind that we were created to enjoy, but destroys faith and hope. Knowing this makes "lightening up" a priority and enjoying where we are at now, instead of fretting about what the future may hold.

Sorry that this post is disconnected and a bit of rambling, but I wanted to document some of the things I am learning right now to help me keep things in perspective. I hope that you all had a great thanksgiving and are enjoying the holiday season!