a whole new world

Passed out on me at the party. :-(
The Moms with their May babies.
Not feeling great, but certainly cute!
The monkey we found on our jungle expedition.
Putting Oragel on her gums before heading out to the party.

I've never been so worried in my life as this past weekend when Coranelle had a fever. It is so hard to not make yourself crazy trying to make your little one feel better. But, we made it through her first illness. Coranelle started being extra fussy on Thursday and had a fever by Friday, as well as a horrible diaper rash. Saturday, she was up to a 100.0 temp. We called the on-call nurse and she wanted us to treat it at home, rather than bring her in where everyone else is sick. We let her hang out bare bottomed and kept giving her tylenol. She was certainly not herself and that was the scary part. On Friday, we took her to a halloween party, all dressed up and looking adorable in her monkey costume. She was fussy getting ready and when we got there. I decided to take her over to the couch and sit down because holding her was hard with my heeled boots on. A few minutes later, I looked down and she was asleep. What? That was shocking! My baby doesn't just fall asleep. Yikes, we knew she wasn't herself at all. She was also really pale and not talking or babbling at all. I wanted so badly to make it better, but it is hard to wait it out. Fortunately, Ryan took Friday off and on Saturday, my mom was here for the whole day. So, I had other people around to keep me from being sick with worry! She broke her fever Saturday night and is doing well now. We thought that she might be teething because the combination of the fever, diaper rash, extra stools, and drooling. But, I haven't seen a tooth yet. When she started fighting her naps again on Saturday night, I was so relieved. It was so fun to hear her little talking and see her smiles again. I missed her little personality, as high maintence as she can be. I'd rather have my stubborn daughter than a sick one that is so calm lethargic.

It was really fun to have Ryan home for a 3 day weekend. Because of all of the snow, we couldn't paint until Sunday when it had melted. So, I got to spend 2 days with him, just hanging out. It was wonderful. Friday, we went to the rec center together and later to the mall to get my birthday present. (A little late, I know. But, having a baby and taking on huge house projects makes time a little hard to come by). I now have a fun new swimming suit for our vacation and swim classes and a wonderful new watch. I feel spoiled!

Saturday, my mom came with me to Body Pump at the Rec Center. It was packed, but fun to have her take the class I go to every Tuesday. Then, we spent time trying to nurse Coranelle back to health. Stefan and Rachael stopped by for lunch and my Uncle, Aunt and Cousin came by for a visit too. Ryan and I got to go on a little stroll while mom watched Coranelle. That was the first time I have been on a walk without a stroller or the Bjorn since May! Finally, we went to church with mom. It was fun to have her here with us the whole day!

Yesterday, we tried to tackle more painting. Oh, how do I wish this project was over! We are still not quite done. We have a little trip left on the top of the house in the front and back and I am not sure how we will reach it. I guess I know what we'll be doing next weekend! Next time, we'll pay to have this done. Ryan has worked so hard to get it done and I just want him to have a weekend back!

In other news, I am still feeling like we need to build up our network of young parents. It feels isolating to be the only couple of our friends that have a baby because we are no longer invited to dinners or hangouts. I understand, but it is hard. And, I am so thankful to have met some other moms, but that primarily keeps out the loneliness of the daytime for me. We have started a bible study with another couple who has an 8 month old and that has been good. But, we are having a hard time getting more families to join. We love this couple, but it would be nice to have more of a community and more input.

I have also been struggling to keep my weight stable. I know this is not something many new moms want to hear, but I am being honest. I think the breastfeeding, stress, and constant going going going has made me drop some weight. I am now below my pre-pregnancy weight and my pants and baggy and big. I was pretty happy with my weight before I got pregnant, so this is not intentional. I also really like my pants that I fit into before, so I don't want to keep losing. I am trying to find healthy snacks and eat enough to sustain myself and make sure that Coranelle is getting enough. The scary thing is, that I keep getting comments from people about how good I look. I am sure you are wondering why that is scary. In HS, when I became anorexic, it started like this. I lost a little weight because I was sick and I got so many positive comments, I wanted to keep losing. And so I ended up weighing 85 pounds. When people comment now, I feel like what they are really saying is, "You didn't look good before- but now that you are thinner, you are acceptable". I am not sure that is what they are really implying, but it hurts my feelings that I wasn't pretty before I was pregnant when I weighed a bit more and my legs were bigger. Body image is such a hard thing in today's world and I am tyring so hard to not define myself by my looks or how other people see me. Our pastor's sermon on Sunday was a little bit about Adam and Eve and their shame when they were naked in the garden. It's interesting to think about who told them that they were naked. The snake. Before that, they never had shame. They were defined by God and all was good and perfect. I have to work hard to not let thoughts about weight and beauty define who I am. God created this body and it is perfect- no matter what others perceive or say. I am bound and determined to teach my little girl healthy eating and excersize habits and let her know every day how beatiful she is- regardless of what size she wears or what shape or package she grows up to be. It is very important to me to be a good role model for her.

I will stop my ranting now. I need to finish making our dinner. We are having homemade pizza and a spinach salad. I even got some applesauce for Coranelle to try. She got a taste of mashed up bananas today and loved it. I know... I am supposed to introduce veggies first. And, she has eaten some yams and squash. But, it is so fun to see how excited she gets to have fruit.