What is it about human nature and our society that makes us feel as if we never ever have enough or do enough. How have we moved from being focused around family to focused on the income that comes in, how nice a car we drive, or how many square feet are in our house?
I have fallen into this mind trap quite often recently. We have visited friends’ homes for various parties and I find myself comparing houses, their sizes, the furniture, decorations, etc. I feel the little stab of jealousy when friends buy brand new cars and our new car is a 2003. I feel my stomach sink when I hear about someone who has a large trust fund or whose parents give extremely generous gifts for new babies or holidays. Why? Why do I feel this way? Why do I sometimes think that I should go back to work so that we can have nicer things? I feel and hear subtle looks and comments that make me feel almost embarrassed to tell people that I am a “stay at home” mom. So many moms seem to be back at work, working part-time or somehow bringing in some income and it makes me feel guilty- leech like- at times.
And really, these feelings are ridiculous. Truly. Yes, our house is 24 years old, and it’s not huge. But, we have 3 good sized bedroom, a wonderful fire place, a great layout and so many awesome memories here already. We have a great plan for our baby boy’s new nursery and I honestly love spending time at home. We have a great yard, patio, and wonderful neighbors and a perfect location. Sure, most of our furniture is hand-me-down, but do we enjoy our meals less sitting at a table that is as old as I am? Certainly not! Do we enjoy movie nights less because we don’t have the biggest TV out there? No. Ryan comes through that door in the evening and our house seems perfect and complete. Coranelle is happy playing on the floor of the kitchen, regardless of the fact that it’s not real wood. Further, our 2003 4 Runner is awesome! Really, it has tons of room, is comfortable, drives great and it seems as if every man who sees it, practically drools over the lift!
Do the gifts that our parents shower us with mean less because they’re not crazy expensive? Absolutely not! We have free babysitters whenever. Heido recently just purchased an entirely new, adorable wardrobe for Coranelle on Kohl’s clearance. Even my mom driving out to see us every week and treating me to a cup of coffee means far more than a check in the mail. The occasional pair of Christmas socks, a plate of English toffee- whatever the gift, they’re always very thoughtful. Our parents are deeply involved in our lives and Coranelle knows and loves them and that means so much more than money.
As far as going back to work, I cannot even express how empty my life would feel if I had to leave my kids all day, every day. I know that some couples choose this, or have to do it. But for us, I don’t mind having humble vacations instead of flying to Hawaii, driving an older car, living in an older house, and watching what we spend. If a date night means Qdoba instead of some fancy steakhouse- who cares? I get to be with my husband. If it means that our budget at Christmas for family members is $20 instead of $150, who cares. I still have fun shopping and picking out fun gifts. Budgeting seems like a small price to pay for the chance to play and interact with my daughter everyday. I get to teach her the colors, numbers, her letters, new words. We get to look for geese together, checkout to books together, cook and clean together. I get to have her kiss me and hug me and chat at me all day long. I am so absolutely grateful that my husband works his tail off so that I can have this opportunity. I think I need to retrain my thoughts to see how many great blessings surround me instead of comparing to everyone who appears to have more.
I realize this was a random post and just a splattering of my thoughts, but maybe some of the rest of you have felt this way too. Maybe this Christmas we need to stop every now and then to recognize how blessed and lucky we really are.
3 comments:
What a great post, Kari. I often feel the same way at times because I am working as a preschool teacher and all my friends are lawyers and bankers. I compare myself to their "successes" and sometimes feel like a failure. I know this is not true, however, but it is always good to hear that I am not the only one with these thoughts.
If it makes you feel better, I'm insanely jealous of your 4Runner... I think the solution to the way you're feeling would be to just hand it on over. Consider it. I'm just trying to help :)
Don't beat yourself up, Sweetie. You ARE A FABULOUS, LOVING MOTHER to your daughter, my great (GREAT) niece. Raising children to be caring, loving, responsible adults is the toughest job of all - and the most rewarding. Don't expect others to pat you on the back - they won't. Don't act like any one else's opinion matters - they don't. What matters in the end is having lived, given, and received love as much and as often as you can. Love you, (Aunt) Lori
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