Deep sadness

Yesterday, I learned about a young man from Estes who took his own life on Wednesday morning. The whole situation is utterly confusing and incredibly sad and tragic. No one can imagine why he decided he wanted out and I cannot comprehend how devastated their family is right now.

I went to High School with this kid and was pretty close to his older sisters. The family was a well-known family in Estes and I spent many nights at their house for youth group. I did cross country with one of the the sisters and have many good memories of the entire family.

Finding out about this death really shook me (and all of my fellow EP alumni) yesterday. As a parent, I cannot fathom what his parents are thinking right now. They will never ever be the same and will never be able to cope or recover.

This morning while Coranelle was eating breakfast, I was making plans to go to the memorial service this weekend. As we have been talking alot about emotions lately, she is very in tune to mine. She studied my face and said, "Mommy, are you sad?" I told her that I was and she asked me why. Here is how our conversation went.

I'm sad because there is a family that I know that is very sad right now.

Why are they sad, Mommy?

They're sad because something very bad happened to their son.

Their son? Like Sheldon is your son?

Yes, like Sheldon is my son.

What happened to their son?

Well, something very bad. (How do you explain death to a 2 year old).

He's broken, mommy?

Yes, sweetie. That's a good way to put it. He's broken.

His daddy can fix him?

No, his daddy cannot fix him. No one can. (I say this and my voice starts to tremble)

No one can? Oh. Where is the son, mommy. The broken one?

Well, he's with God now.

Oh, God can fix him, mommy. God can. (She's not asking me here, she's telling me. )

(At this point, tears are streaming down my face. She's right. God can fix him. How profound are her little thoughts and the way her mind processes things.)

Next she says to me- Mommy, God made the son. He can fix him, if he's broken. God can make him feel all better and he can run in the grass and be happy. Right?

It's a simplistic way to look at things, but it warmed my heart to hear her explanation of the situation. I trust that God has fixed this young man and that He will find many ways to comfort the family and give them the grace and mercy needed to get through each of the coming sad days.

Please lift up the Van Horn family in your prayers today and in the coming days and weeks. I am at a loss of what else to say.