Coranelle is 3 months old today! When I look at pictures of the day she was born, compared to today, it baffles me how much she has grown and changed! She is now grabbing objects and shoving them into her mouth. She has all sorts of different facial expressions- curious, excited, shy, happy, pouty, scared, surprised, disappointed and flirty. She studies my face in the sweetest way. She'll be nursing and suddenly pull away to flash me a smile. At times, she holds her hand up and explores my chin and cheeks with her little fingers. She likes to stand up (with my support). She seems really observant now. Yesterday, I took her to meet another baby girl- just 5 days older than she is. We met up with the mom and Grandma as well. After Coranelle melted down and took a little power nap, she actually seemed interested in the other baby (Leah). She was touching her and watching her. Very cool! It will be fun when she is older and the babies can actually play. I have just begun reading to Coranelle. It works best between 10-12 when she is content and not yet overstimulated. On Monday, I read her 5 books in a row and she was very pleased to sit on my lap and study the pictures and listen. With her cloth books, she grabbed the pages after watching me do it. If I moved the book for her, she could turn the pages! I absolutely LOVE getting to read with kids, so this has made my week. AND.... I found this whole, wonderful section of bilingual kids books at Target the other day. Books about about colors, animals, textures and even famous nursery rhymes. I was so thrilled, I bought her The Ginger Bread Man (El Hombre de Pan Jenibre). They are so great because they have all sorts of Spanish vocab that Coranelle can learn alongside English words, and I would learn too. My vocab base is not large enough to encompass textures and nursery rhyme words. So... if you are ever feeling the urge to shop for Coranelle, keep these little bilingual books in mind! ;-)
Other news in the Mork household:
Ryan went backpacking this last weekend for a friend's bachelor party and really enjoyed it. He had never been before and was excited. He proudly came home and announced that he had pooped in the woods for the first time ever! So cute! I spent the day with my mom, Steve and Amanda. I enjoyed being with them! Coranelle got a bit overtired Saturday night and Sunday night and screamed for hours straight. Whew! We have got to figure out how to detect the melt downs and get her to take a nap before the screaming hits. Sunday, Ryan was home from his trip and she screamed for 2 hours straight. We tried swaddling, rocking, going outside, pacifier, letting her cry it out ( 45 minutes was enough of that), all different postions, etc. etc. Finally, Ryan suggested the swing (which she hates). We put her in it, and "presto" she was out! Once again, just when you think you have your baby figured out, they change. I am thinking that I need to start putting her down to bed earlier. She just seems so tuckered out by about 7:30 (or earlier). Yet, I am torn. Do I try to get in that extra 6th feeding like the doctor suggested because of her low weight, or put her down to bed? Which is more important? Feeding or sleeping? Ahhh, the things I worry and obsess over these days!
I know that I am not the only new mom that feels anxious, nervous, worried, tired, inadequate, etc. This week, I met two other mothers that seem to be in a similar position. We spend our days with our babies, therefore, we spend every moment worrying about whether or not they are gaining weight at the correct rate, eating enough, sleeping enough, too hot, too cold, etc. We compare them to other babies of similar ages and worry that they are not rolling over yet, not pooping enough, not spending enough time on their tummies and on and on and on and on and on. And on. I truly think that moms today are bombarded with SO much information on what you, as a parent should be doing and what your baby should be doing, that it is hard to just enjoy your child. The fact that we can weigh our babies every week- that is not helpful! Yesterday, I encountered a mom at our breastfeeding group who broke out sobbing because her son had only gained an ounce in the past week. She was desperately asking me about Coranelle and her eating habits- how often? how much? when do I pump? how long does she feed on each side? etc. etc. The thing is, every baby is different and grows at a different rate. Our moms didn't weigh us weekly and panic of another baby gained 5 ounces and we only gained 1 ounce. Our society seems so centered around competition that we are now competing with our babies. Whose is the first to crawl? Eat solids? Laugh? Coo? I have realized this week that I am done reading the articles and websites on what they should be doing. I am done comparing her weight to others. I am going to go with my instincts about what she needs and start enjoying my baby and being a mom. She'll learn to walk. They all do. I have never seen a 5 year old enter Kindergarten crawling. Babies are individuals and it wouldn't be fun if they were all the same!
I have also learned this week a bit about myself. I mentioned in a previous blog that I was struggling a bit with feelings of lonliness and isolation and feeling hurt that I didn't have friends or family that were checking in on me as I hoped. I talked with my mom and future sister in law about this recently. My mom reminded me that Ryan and I are paving the way in this process. Therefore, no one else knows what it is like to be new parents. They don't realize the worries, the exhaustion, the frustration, the scariness, or the resonsibility of it all. How could they, and further, how could I expect them to? I can only use this experience to ensure that I reach out to others when they experience the joys and challenges of a newborn.
Rachael met me at Target on Monday to help me shop and keep me company. She was great in being willing to push the cart, calm a screaming Coranelle and sit with me in the Target parking lot and chat. When I told her about feeling a bit isolated and lonely, she truthfully reminded me about something. When people on the outside look in, Ryan and I have it all. We are married, we have a house, we have a baby, and I get to stay home. What could possibly be wrong? And she is so right! I am truly blessed! And of course that is what people think. We have the American dream. Right? Well... right. But, when we assume (as Ryan says) we make an ass out of u and me. Blunt, I know. Just because we have all of those things, doesn't mean that our hearts aren't hurting or heavy about something. And, I don't say that to accuse others of not realizing that things aren't still hard in our lives. I say that because I have been the one on the outside, looking in to many other peoples' lives. Hey, they have money, nice cars, multiple houses, nice clothes- what could they possibly complain about? That's not the right attitude and I know I am guilty of thinking that way. Everyone, everywhere has there own set of hardships, their own worries and heaviness. I cannot look in and judge or assume anything about their joy, struggles or challenges. Not until I have lived in their shoes. I want to be more aware of those feelings and assumptions. If people had not assumed that I was perfectly fine and feeling wonderful about every moment being a mom, I might have had a few more ears to listen or a few more hands to help out. So, two things come from that... I need to make sure I am not assuming things about my friends and family- but rather really asking to see how they are doing and what I can do to help. Secondly, I cannot be so prideful as to think I can do this all on my own. I need to humble myself enough to admit that I am having a hard time, or had a hard day and that I need help. It's a hard thing for me to do. I am used to being independent and doing things on my own. You can't do that with a child. It would be harmful to the child and to you.
A few last things; we are getting our big, awesome tree cut out of our yard tomorrow. It has died in the last few weeks of wet rot and it has to come down. It makes me sad, because it was some nice shade in our yard- AND it will cost us hundreds. Yikes, being a homeowner!
We are also working on starting to build a patio in our backyard. Finally, as of Monday, Coranelle has a college account! Even though we have started saving this early, college expenses could cost $178,000 by the time Coranelle is 18. How is that even possible?! How are we adults that have to worry about college accounts and wills? Wow!
Thanks for reading my rambling. Happy 3 months Coranelle! We love you buckets!
3 comments:
Happy 3 months Coranelle!
I had no idea that you had a blog Kari so I'm glad that you commented on mine. I've read through your past couple of blogs and I have to tell you that I've had those same feelings. Cal was a very colicky baby but he seems to be getting better now. And I know what you mean about not having people to talk to (at least in person). We'll get through it and I've been told we may even forget what it was like the first few months! (I doubt it)
I'm thinking of you and Ryan. And let Coranelle know that she has a buddy over here in Scotland.
Kari, it was so fun getting together with you and being able to have someone to relate to! Coranelle is such a sweetheart and I think her and Leah will be good friends one day. We need to get together again soon.
i agree with you on reading, i LOVE to read to tristan and should really start beginning with samuel as well!
re. sleep vs. eating: i say go for the sleep, especially with a baby who gets overtired easily. even samuel, who is a pretty easy-going baby will meltdown if i let him stay awake past 7:30 (he's usually in bed asleep by 7) and tristan was the same way, so they both go to bed early. the only downer to an early bedtime is not being able to stay out late with them at friends' houses, but the plus side is so worth it: hours of alone time with your hubby every night!! josh and i now take turns massaging each other's feet in the evenings while watching tv or playing a game and some days looking forward to that is what keeps me going :)
and you are SO right with ignoring a lot of the ideas out there about how babies should be acting or growing....i got so anal about the developmental milestones after i had tristan that i eventually chucked the "your baby week by week" book that i was reading!! when i'm getting stressed out about something, i think to myself "what would my mother or grandmother have done?" and i try to think of the simplest solution and that often does the trick. to this day, i obsess about silly things, like how many hours of sleep samuel is getting in a 24 hour period and then i have to catch myself and say "who is to say what MY baby "should" be doing? my baby is unique from all other babies and if he only wants to nap for 30 minutes at a time here and there one day, then WHATEVER!" it is so freeing to just let some of that stuff go.
you're doing a great job, kari!
xx-heidi
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