Thank you so much for the outpouring of support and advice after I posted my last blog. I really appreciate everyone’s thoughts, advice, comments, etc. It is nice to see things through a different set of eyes and experiences. Coranelle is actually doing much better at night and we have to hold strong to not re-entering her room multiple times.
One of my friends told me to check out this book- Raising Your Spirited Child, by Mary Sheed Kurcinka. I have honestly stopped reading any books about child rearing because they end up stressing me out more. I feel as if I am falling short and I don’t like comparing my kid to everyone else’s kid. Yet, my friend’s son seems to be very similar to Coranelle and so any advice she gives, I jump on. So, I reserved this one at the library and picked it up today, only to be overwhelmed by someone who just seems to “know” my kid and understand in a way that I haven’t experienced before. It makes me feel less alone in parenting a kid like Coranelle, gives me some insight, and helps me pull my focus to all of her strengths instead of her weaknesses. It’s a tool for understanding. I’m including some tidbits from the book so I have a spot to revisit them, since the book is not mine to highlight and underline and keep. Feel free to skim or skip the next part, but it might give some insight into who Coranelle is and what it feels like to be her parent.
The spirited child: They are normal children who are more intense, persistent, sensitive, perceptive, and uncomfortable with change than other children. Spirited kids are the Super Ball in a room full of rubber balls. (I really liked that illusion!)
The experience of a parent of a spirited child- joy to exasperation in seconds- ten times a day. On good days, being the parent of a spirited child is astounding, dumbfounding, wonderful, funny, interesting, and interspersed with moments of brilliance. (So So true)
The dreadful days, you’re not sure you can face another 24 hours with them. It’s hard to feel good as a parent when you can’t even keep her socks on, when every word you’ve said has been a reprimand, when the innocent act of serving pizza instead of the expected tacos incites a riot, when you realize you’ve left more public places in a huff when your child is five years than other parents do in a lifetime. Some times it’s hard to love a child who keeps you up at night and embarrasses you at shopping centers. On the bad days, being the parent is frustrating, confusing, taxing, challenging, and guilt inducing. You wonder if you’re the only parent with a kid like this. ( Right on)
Spirited- defined as: lively, creative, keen, eager, full of energy and courage, and having a strong assertive personality.
Of the 5 traits of Spirited kids, Coranelle exhibits “sensitivity” the strongest.
She is “keenly aware, responds quickly to the slightest noises, smells, lights, textures, or changes in mood. She are easily overwhelmed by crowds, shopping centers, and family gatherings. Dressing can be a torture. Every sensation and emotion is absorbed by them, including your feelings, They’ll tell you you’re having a rotten day before you even realize it yourself. (Wow- someone else’s kid is like MINE!)
I’m enjoying reading through this book as it makes me feel less alone as the parent of a spirited child. I may continue to add tidbits from the book to the blog because it is so refreshing to be able to so fully relate to another parent’s situation.
But, I do promise that my next blog will reveal the name we have chosen at this point for our soon-to-be son. It is long overdue and that will come next.
Again, thanks for all the people who warmly offered advice and concern and tips after my last post. I truly appreciate a variety of input and perspectives.
3 comments:
My advice is short and sweet -- just like Momma Mork. Don't worry about it. Don't be so hard on yourself. You are wonderful beyond measure. She will be fine. You will be fine. You and Ryan will be fine. Ditch the books and be good to yourself.
Coranelle is a healthy, intelligent, perceptive child who knows exactly what heart strings to pull and what emotional buttons to push to elicit responses from her parents, grandparents, and other loved ones. Its part of what kids do to manipulate their environment.
You are a wonderful person, wife and mother - you are a wellspring of love, kindness and nurturing. Somehow, Coranelle will manage to survive all of that love, kindness and nurturing and will one day forgive for heaping it so unconditionally upon her.
Love, Uncle Scott
aww kari, i've got tears in my eyes reading this! i'm so thankful that my book suggestion was a good one for you. i know how overwhelming parenting books can be....often doing more harm than good. but i also know the feeling of finally realizing that you're NOT alone in all of this and that someone else out there has been through it and survived! i'm so thankful you've felt that and i hope that it continues to encourage you.
Kari, I'm so glad you've found a book that helped you understand Coranelle better. She sounds like a wonderful, energetic, enthusiastic child, with great potential- a lot like you, no?
I don't have any kids (God's choice, and a long story), but I've been teaching children from 0-3 for almost 15 years now, and I know spirited children can be challenging to the adults around them. Knowing her strengths and weaknesses is a great start to easier parenting, I bet.
It sounds to me like Coranelle is really picking up on the baby coming soon, too. She's so bright and aware of her surroundings, I'm sure she's noticed some changes already. Maybe that's playing into some of the recent challenges? When we're stressed (and this happens to all of us, not just kiddos), we often have a harder time dealing with change, illness, and other challenges, and we need more comforting, love, and touch from our families and loved ones. I've had several families with toddlers have new babies, and several of them mentioned that it really helped them to talk with their toddler about how the new baby would mean changes, good and tough. Since toddlers have such limited experience of the world, it seemed to be really useful to them to have some acknowledgement and explanation that life is changing, and sometimes that was tough to handle, but that Mommy and Daddy would always love them just as much. A couple of families went as far as to teach their child an acceptable way to get their attention and tell the adults "hey, I need a little more attention now." It sure seemed to help cut down tantrums and acting out.
I know the books can be a real stressor - but sometimes it helps to have more tools in your toolbox, so I'll throw this suggestion out there, and you can do what you want with it. Love and Logic has a bunch of books, cds, etc, that have very PRACTICAL advice for parents. They understand that it's a TOUGH job, and that sometimes, nothing seems to be going right! But they also seem to have a way of working with children that really helps sensitive and high energy kids, and their parents. Again, just something to file away as a possible reference. As my Pa used to say, "You may never need a wrench for removing bolts from toilets. But if you ever do, it's handy to know one exists."
May you be surrounded with love, comfort and peace, in this day and all others!
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