Pictures!

Practicing sitting up while on vacation. The wipes are such a cool toy! She can sit pretty well now!
All by myself Momma! Wow, they grow up fast!
Checking out the whole scene in the Glenwood Hot Springs.
I think she liked it!
Mom and daughter.
Ryan and Coranelle hanging out at the coffee shop while we wandered town.
Taking a chilly walk through the canyon.
Our cabin in a very beautiful location!
The favorite toy!
Reading in our cozy little cabin!

vacation

I write today's post from our little cabin in Glenwood Springs. Coranelle is taking her afternoon nap (hopefully) and Ryan and I are enjoying some down time. We are both reading Harry Potter and love the chance to read and relax a little. Ryan took the whole week off for Thanksgiving, and I am very thankful for that. I think it has been awesome that Coranelle is spending a decent amount of time with someone other than me. Ryan hung out with her Saturday morning while I went to Body Pump. He's been getting her out of her crib and dressed every morning. I turly hope that this will help her be more willing to go to other people. Last week, I had two friends, as well as Rachael, Stefan, Bruce and Heido try to hold her. To my dismay, she cried for all of them, within a few short minutes. Sigh. The only person she would go to without a fuss was her uncle Josh. For some reason, she never gets upset with Josh. At the church nursery on Saturday night, we didn't get called out of the service- which was great. It was a wonderful sermon and I enjoyed the chance to listen to it and sit by my husband. But, the saint of a worker that was spending time with Coranelle said that she cried off and on the entire time. Thankfully, she stuck with it. Did anyone else have these issues with their little one? How long did it last? What else should I try?

On to more positive things... We are on vacation! Our first vacation as a little family! We booked a cabin in Glenwood for three nights. It has been very cold here, but beautiful. I am thankful for a chance to be away and spend quality time with my hubby and daughter. The snow and frigid temperatures have not prevented us from bundling up and going on nice walks through the canyon and in town. We went and got coffee in town yesterday and wandered around the sports store. I told Ryan, I think I have come to Glenwood Springs more than 20 times in my life. It holds lots of great memories with many different people. It was a perfect length of drive so that Coranelle slept a good way, and then I went back and entertained her for the last 45 minutes of the drive. The first night, she slept horribly, as did we. I don't know if was strange sounds, lights, or her pack n' play, but she was up every hour from 9pm-2am. Whew! I hope that she can learn to sleep in different places, thought. Last night, she did much better, only waking up once. We put a dark green blanket over her pack n' play to shut out the light. We also turned off the noisy furnace and we all slept better.

Later today, after her nap, we will head into town and go to the hotsprings. I LOVE the Glenwood hotsprings and cannot wait to introduce them to Coranelle. Hopefully, the cold outside temperatures don't take away the fun!

Since being away, Coranelle has really improved her ability to sit up alone. She can do it for about 30 seconds before she reaches over for something and tumbles. She also did well in another restaurant on Sunday morning. We met one of Ryan's friends who just had a baby and enjoyed breakfast at the Huckleberry. Coranelle did a great job! She really is so much easier to take places and so much more enjoyable these days. She still is a mess if she gets over tired, which leaves me to planning my days around her naps and nursing. But, if it means that she is not melting down, it's worth it. I don't think I ever knew how much of this first year would be spent organizing my life around her need to nap after having been awake 2 hours and having to nurse every 3.

Regardless, her naps while on vacation have given us an opportunity to relax and rest and enjoy some down time. I am so glad that Ryan took the week off. It will be really hard to have him back to work full-time next week. But, I will soak up this time while I have it. On Thursday, we are celebrating Thanksgiving with my Mom and Steve. Ryan's whole family will be joining us, as well as Claire's. It should be a fun day! It is also Coranelle's 6 month birthday. I cannot belive a half of a year has gone by!

I will post pictures of our vacation when we return. I hope all of you have a wonderful Thanksgiving and feel that you have lots to smile about and be thankful for.

lately

This past weekend was a wonderful change. Ryan was home and we didn't have any projects that were demanding our attention. Therefore, we got to spend the weekend together as a family and it was wonderful. Ryan and I went on a date Friday night while mom and Steve watched Coranelle. She did pretty well and gave them some good smiles and laughs. They found that she did fine, so long as they didn't try to hold her. We got to go to our favorite Mexican restaurant and share fajitas and have margaritas. Then we went to a local coffee shop for some live music and a latte. It was fun to get away for a bit. Coranelle refused a bottle, which I figured. But, she went down to bed and when I got home, I nursed her. It worked pretty well!

This weekend, we also made a run to cost-co, went on a walk together and took Coranelle swimming. Coranelle was pretty happy all weekend and it was fun. At the pool, since there were 2 of us there, we could take turns hanging out with her while the other person got to go down the awesome water slides. It also snowed here again this weekend, so we enjoyed reading and playing by the fire. It was very refreshing and fun.

Some updates on Coranelle: She is now transferring things from one hand to the other. She loves playing and chewing on pacifiers. She's very close to sitting up on her own, but falls one way or another when she gets distracted by something. She's trying to scoot forward on her tummy, but cannot yet get her tiny belly off the ground. She's now eating bananas, applesauce, rice cereal, oatmeal, pears, peas, carrots and yams. A good little eater! I am worried that she is more interested in eating than nursing, so I am concerned about my milk supply decreasing. Either she is just nursing very quickly and efficiently, or there isn't much there. There's always something to worry about. I have tried pumping a few times, but don't get much out. That could be because I have a little hand pump and pump between feedings, but I don't know. I am trying to eat well and drink lots to keep the supply up. Any suggestions or thoughts would be quite appreciated! I am not ready for her to self-wean. Especially since she hates formula and won't take a bottle. Yikes! But, I did get her to drink from a Sippy cup yesterday with some apple juice and water in it. We'll keep working on that. If she'll take milk from it, we might have solved one of our dilemmas.

Coranelle is giggling more. The sound of her laugh makes parenthood so fun and worth while. She loves when you drape a blanket over her and pull it off. I could do it forever to hear her laugh! Last night, Stefan and Rachael came over for dinner and she was a pretty happy camper. (So long as they didn't try to hold her). But, she flashed lots of smiles and played with them. It was nice to have an evening that we could talk to them, without her wailing. It's one of the first times she's been that good and Stefan even commented that his ears weren't ringing this time from her screaming. I like this new phase! Stefan was making Coranelle laugh with all of his faces and sound effects. And, Coranelle loves Rachael and it is clear that Rachael is great with kids. She's got my touchy, little peanut figured out and is very gentle and caring with her.

We talked a lot about weddings last night and it will be fun to see and help everything come together for them. It is so fun to see Stefan this happy. I love the two of them together. I tell Ryan that Stefan has an important role in my life. As my parents got divorced when I was little- we spent a lot of time going back and forth between families. That could have been a lot harder if I didn't have Stefan. He was always there, no matter which house we were at. He was the only other person who knew what it was like to go back and forth and be a part of two very different families. When I was homesick, or missed dad, he was there and understood. He took care of me and kept me company. When we had to adjust to one family after being with the other, he was there. In college, I lived with him and he always made sure I was doing okay. When I was sick, he looked out for me. When I got a concussion, he kept me awake. When I was dating different guys, he gave me advice and consolation when things ended. He's an awesome brother and it is wonderful to see him with someone as great as Rachael. They are so good for each other and it will be awesome to have Rachael as part of the family and a good friend.

Alright, my window of Coranelle's contentedness in her jumpy seat is over. Got to go. Have a great week!

Walt Disney's "Up"

For those of you who haven't seen it, I recommend you do. I am talking about Walt Disney's "Up". This movie came out in theaters right around the time Coranelle was born, so we couldn't go see it. This week, it came out on DVD. Ryan has been talking about wanting to see it for a long time. So, on Tuesday, when I saw it at Target, I bought it and brought it home to surprise him. He was super excited about it and we watched it these past 2 days during Coranelle's nap. The movie is humorous, fun, sweet and very uplifting. I won't give anything away, but there was a point in the movie when the old man was looking through a memory book. Ryan and I both looked at each other and noticed tiny pools of tears in each others' eyes. Yes, even Ryan. Shhhh, don't tell anyone. I am just kidding. I am a firm believer that tears are windows into a person's soul and the fact that this scene made Ryan tear up shows how sweet and incredible he is. Through this sweet film, we realized that it isn't the crazy adventures in life that are memorable, but the every day happenings that make life sweet. At one point in the video, Russel (the little boy) was telling the old man about one of his memories. He talked about how he and his dad used to get ice cream cones, sit on a corner and count the red or blue cars that passed. He said, "I know that might sound boring. But, sometimes it is the boring times I remember most". I thought that was very sweet and very true. Today, for instance, is a rather gray day in Broomfield. We have very little planned except a trip to Cost-Co later. Despite the fact that all we've done is play with Coranelle on the floor, walk to the grocery store, and cuddle up while watching the second half of a movie doesn't mean our day is not a good one. I will remember today and treasure it because Ryan was home with us and Coranelle has giggled far more than usual. Life doesn't require fancy dates, exotic trip, and noteworthy accomplishments. Being with your family makes for a really blessed and happy life.
So, go rent or buy "Up" and then let me know what you think. I hope it brings a smile, or a tear of joy to your day too!
Happy Saturday!

The ups and downs

Parenting seems to be full of ups and downs. Or maybe, I am just an emotional new mom and so it seems that way. Last night, Coranelle went to her first restaurant for dinner with us as we met the family to celebrate Rebecca's birthday. We had been very hesitant to take her to a restaurant because of her frequent evening meltdowns. Knowing that wouldn't be fun for anyone in the family, or anyone else in the restaurant, we hadn't attempted it. But, Coranelle shocked us all and did fantastic. I took her out of the carseat while we were ordering and waiting for the food. She was squirmy and happy. When she started getting fussy, I tucked her into her carseat with the pacifier and she sat happily watching all the comotion. She actually fell asleep! So, Ryan and I got to enjoy our dinners and talking to the family. A definite up!
But, earlier in the day, I had been at a baby shower for a neighbor. Ryan got Coranelle up from her nap and attempted to feed her a bottle. Goodness! Coranelle thought she would rather chew on the nipple than suck. So, he tried a cup, a sippy cup and mixing it with rice cereal. When I came home, the efforts were still going on. I took over and tried the bottle. No luck. After an hour of trying to give her the bottle, both of us were angry and frustrated and gave up. I refused to simply nurse her, so I just waited for an hour. That was a down. Why would a bottle be so difficult. While at the baby shower, I watched the father of a 3 month old feed his son a bottle while walking around and talking to guests. Why is this so hard for Coranelle? What did I do wrong here?
I was also asking myself that question Saturday night at church. We haven't even attempted the nursery for a while because there are so many babies and not enough volunteers. Plus, we were weary of getting called out of the service. So, we have been sitting with Coranelle in the cry room. This weekend, there were 6 other babies in the cry room with us. They were all girls, ranging in age from 10 days to 10 months. All of them sat happily through the service or slept. Not my baby. Ryan had to take her out of the cry room and walk around with her in the lobby while she fought sleep. So, I sat by myself through church- which made me really sad. I can't help but wonder why Coranelle has such a hard time relaxing, while all these other babies have no problem. It is very hard to not blame myself and spend time awake at night wondering what I am doing wrong.
We were also told this weekend that Coranelle was not invited to the ceremony of a wedding we will be attending. I understand the desire to not have a crying baby during a ceremony, I do. Yet, it is difficult for me to not feel offended. I have to keep my "mamma bear claws" in check in these situations. I tend to feel that a rejection of Coranelle is a rejection of me and I get offended. I realize that I am being dramatic and this situation is not that big of a deal. Mom and Steve have offered to keep Coranelle during the ceremony and we'll go pick her up and feed her before heading back to the reception. All will work out fine, but I have be more rational and not be upset that someone does not want my baby around on their special day.
At the shower on Sunday, other friends of this expectant mom were asking me about being a new mom. It is so hard to explain this experience and all of the ups and downs. I look back and vividly remember all of the times this summer that I sat on the front steps, crying because Coranelle was screaming and we couldn't calm her down. I remember walking her up and down the path near our house, trying to get her to sleep. I can picture Ryan walking in after a day at work and me telling him I had just put her down for a nap. "How long did it take you to get her down?" He'd ask. "All day", I'd respond as I collapsed on the couch. Only to hear her scream half an hour later. I remember when the lactation consultant told me she had reflux and the horror I felt for not realizing my baby was in pain. The desperation and exhaustion of trying to shout over her screams while at the doctor's office. How do you describe these things? What can prepare you for feeling so utterly clueless and inadequate?
Further, how do you describe the way your heart jumps when you see that first smile? I remember the joy in hearing her laugh at me the first time. How do you describe the way your heart swells when you lift her out of her crib after a nap and she nuzzles against your neck. How about that wonderful feeling when she grabs your fingers and holds tight. I love watching her roll over and grow up and develop. It is so fun to see her grasping for her books and playing with her toys. I get so excited to see her lean towards that spoon and gulp down her carrots and banana. I cannot imagine our house and family without our touchy and spirited child. I would hate a morning that didn't include her little talking and jabbering in her crib and being greeted with a huge grin when I un-swaddle her peanut of a body.
I guess each day is filled with ups and downs. I sigh with frustration when she melts down again in the evening, so tired but so stubborn to fight sleep. Our blood pressure goes through the roof as she rejects the bottle again and again. Yet, our hearts melt when she cuddles up against us and squeals with delight. I suppose you just cannot understand what it's like until you have your own. And your heart feels so much bigger and fuller, but can so easily break when the little ones are not happy.
We'll see what this week brings in my roller coaster of a life. Coranelle started sounding a big congested last night. I can hear flem in her cough. Hopefully, she can fight off this cold quickly. She's saying hello to all of you right now. She is sitting her next to me, playing with her toy and watching me type. I hope you all had splendid weekends!

Zanahorias

Zanahoria- the spanish word for carrot. Today, Coranelle tried carrots, and really seemed to like them. Do you think that is because I love them and eat them every day? Is she somehow used to them because I ate them while I was pregnant and while nursing? Not sure. But, for a touchy baby, she sure didn't miss a beat when I offered them to her today. She'd done alright with squash and yams. Actually, squash was a pain. I offered it to her about 8 times before she finally actually swallowed a tiny amount. She was very dramatic about it too. Gagging and kind of choking. She did better when it was a store bought jar of squash and the texture was perfectly smooth. But, she still would only tolerate a spoonful or two. But, really, so would I. When I tasted it, I couldn't eat more than a spoonful by itself either. With the yams, it depended on the day or time I offered them. Sometimes, she'd eat the whole little thawed out ice cube of them. Other times, she'd turn away as soon as she smelled them. So, what kind of eater will I have on my hands? It will be interesting to see.

Today, it is gorgeous here. Mid 70's and sunny. The last 3 days, I have walked with friends in a t-shirt for almost 2 hours each day. I am soaking up this wonderful weather while it lasts. Later today, I have a "play-date" with a friend that I met at my breast-feeding group. We are meeting at a park to walk around the lake and let the babies hang out together in the sun. This mom used to be worried about her son's weight gain. He is 6 days older than Coranelle and now weighs 17+ pounds. Crazy. I think Coranelle is somewhere near 12 1/2 pounds. It's crazy how different these little ones are. Hopefully, she doubles her birthweight by 6 months.

This past Tuesday, I went to Body Pump at 5:30. Coranelle was a total pill for Ryan. She went down for a little nap for about 15 minutes. Then, she cried. I came home to her crying again! It makes me not want to leave. Ryan was going to try putting her in the swing and she saw me and then started screaming. Red faced, tears, heaving... oh, it's so hard to listen to. I asked if I could hold her for a minute. She calmed down instantly. Ryan encouraged me to put her in the swing so that someone else could calm her. I reluctantly listened and went to throw some dinner together. She screamed and screamed. It was about 5 minutes, but felt like an hour. Ryan decided to take her out and calm her down himself, but it didn't work. He didn't want me to take her right away and so I tried to stand back. After 5 more minutes, I came to take her- unable to listen to her scream anymore. She, of course, was fine once she was in my arms. This stage is making me crazy. Poor Ryan. All he wants to do is come home and love on his daughter, and she just wants to be in my arms. So, we are going to try working on having other people hold her and comfort her so we don't make the problem worse. Any other advice?

Alright, off to make some brownies. After the rec center on Thursdays, we have Josh and Claire over to watch The Office and I try to have treats. Have a great day!

a whole new world

Passed out on me at the party. :-(
The Moms with their May babies.
Not feeling great, but certainly cute!
The monkey we found on our jungle expedition.
Putting Oragel on her gums before heading out to the party.

I've never been so worried in my life as this past weekend when Coranelle had a fever. It is so hard to not make yourself crazy trying to make your little one feel better. But, we made it through her first illness. Coranelle started being extra fussy on Thursday and had a fever by Friday, as well as a horrible diaper rash. Saturday, she was up to a 100.0 temp. We called the on-call nurse and she wanted us to treat it at home, rather than bring her in where everyone else is sick. We let her hang out bare bottomed and kept giving her tylenol. She was certainly not herself and that was the scary part. On Friday, we took her to a halloween party, all dressed up and looking adorable in her monkey costume. She was fussy getting ready and when we got there. I decided to take her over to the couch and sit down because holding her was hard with my heeled boots on. A few minutes later, I looked down and she was asleep. What? That was shocking! My baby doesn't just fall asleep. Yikes, we knew she wasn't herself at all. She was also really pale and not talking or babbling at all. I wanted so badly to make it better, but it is hard to wait it out. Fortunately, Ryan took Friday off and on Saturday, my mom was here for the whole day. So, I had other people around to keep me from being sick with worry! She broke her fever Saturday night and is doing well now. We thought that she might be teething because the combination of the fever, diaper rash, extra stools, and drooling. But, I haven't seen a tooth yet. When she started fighting her naps again on Saturday night, I was so relieved. It was so fun to hear her little talking and see her smiles again. I missed her little personality, as high maintence as she can be. I'd rather have my stubborn daughter than a sick one that is so calm lethargic.

It was really fun to have Ryan home for a 3 day weekend. Because of all of the snow, we couldn't paint until Sunday when it had melted. So, I got to spend 2 days with him, just hanging out. It was wonderful. Friday, we went to the rec center together and later to the mall to get my birthday present. (A little late, I know. But, having a baby and taking on huge house projects makes time a little hard to come by). I now have a fun new swimming suit for our vacation and swim classes and a wonderful new watch. I feel spoiled!

Saturday, my mom came with me to Body Pump at the Rec Center. It was packed, but fun to have her take the class I go to every Tuesday. Then, we spent time trying to nurse Coranelle back to health. Stefan and Rachael stopped by for lunch and my Uncle, Aunt and Cousin came by for a visit too. Ryan and I got to go on a little stroll while mom watched Coranelle. That was the first time I have been on a walk without a stroller or the Bjorn since May! Finally, we went to church with mom. It was fun to have her here with us the whole day!

Yesterday, we tried to tackle more painting. Oh, how do I wish this project was over! We are still not quite done. We have a little trip left on the top of the house in the front and back and I am not sure how we will reach it. I guess I know what we'll be doing next weekend! Next time, we'll pay to have this done. Ryan has worked so hard to get it done and I just want him to have a weekend back!

In other news, I am still feeling like we need to build up our network of young parents. It feels isolating to be the only couple of our friends that have a baby because we are no longer invited to dinners or hangouts. I understand, but it is hard. And, I am so thankful to have met some other moms, but that primarily keeps out the loneliness of the daytime for me. We have started a bible study with another couple who has an 8 month old and that has been good. But, we are having a hard time getting more families to join. We love this couple, but it would be nice to have more of a community and more input.

I have also been struggling to keep my weight stable. I know this is not something many new moms want to hear, but I am being honest. I think the breastfeeding, stress, and constant going going going has made me drop some weight. I am now below my pre-pregnancy weight and my pants and baggy and big. I was pretty happy with my weight before I got pregnant, so this is not intentional. I also really like my pants that I fit into before, so I don't want to keep losing. I am trying to find healthy snacks and eat enough to sustain myself and make sure that Coranelle is getting enough. The scary thing is, that I keep getting comments from people about how good I look. I am sure you are wondering why that is scary. In HS, when I became anorexic, it started like this. I lost a little weight because I was sick and I got so many positive comments, I wanted to keep losing. And so I ended up weighing 85 pounds. When people comment now, I feel like what they are really saying is, "You didn't look good before- but now that you are thinner, you are acceptable". I am not sure that is what they are really implying, but it hurts my feelings that I wasn't pretty before I was pregnant when I weighed a bit more and my legs were bigger. Body image is such a hard thing in today's world and I am tyring so hard to not define myself by my looks or how other people see me. Our pastor's sermon on Sunday was a little bit about Adam and Eve and their shame when they were naked in the garden. It's interesting to think about who told them that they were naked. The snake. Before that, they never had shame. They were defined by God and all was good and perfect. I have to work hard to not let thoughts about weight and beauty define who I am. God created this body and it is perfect- no matter what others perceive or say. I am bound and determined to teach my little girl healthy eating and excersize habits and let her know every day how beatiful she is- regardless of what size she wears or what shape or package she grows up to be. It is very important to me to be a good role model for her.

I will stop my ranting now. I need to finish making our dinner. We are having homemade pizza and a spinach salad. I even got some applesauce for Coranelle to try. She got a taste of mashed up bananas today and loved it. I know... I am supposed to introduce veggies first. And, she has eaten some yams and squash. But, it is so fun to see how excited she gets to have fruit.