Friends and Dance

Headed out to look at Christmas lights in the neighborhoods!
My awesome little helper, preparing Lasagna Al Forno for some friends of mine who just had babies.
After a fun Zumba class- Sheldon playing in the box his new toy came in.
Opening a present early so we can spread out the fun!
lSheldon's new blanket and dog!


So, my friend Tara invited me to go to a class at the Rec Center called Zumba. I had seen the "Zumba people" come into the studio as I was leaving various classes and I was always skeptical. Dance lessons? Latin dance? I am a terrible dancer and it takes me a long time to learn steps, so I never imagined I'd try it. Until Tara asked me about 4 times and told me how much fun it was. Finally, I hesitantly put on my tennis shoes and went to my one, free trial class with Tara. I was feeling nervous, self conscious, and positive I'd only go once.

Boy, was I wrong. How much fun! I got lost in learning the "routine" for each up beat, fun, latin song. I smiled and laughed the entire time. I completely avoided looking at my ridiculous self in the mirror and just watched this wonderful dancer in front of me and pretended I looked that awesome! The instructor was fun and positive and Tara is the perfect friend to go with. She's one of those people that "brings a party" with her wherever she is. She's has not perfected her dance moves (although she's far better than I am), but she is not timid or self occupied. She just shakes it! I came home Wed. evening all sweaty, and all smiles. Ryan commented that he had not seen me that bubbly or happy in a long time. But, I sadly said that I didn't think I'd go anymore because the drop in rate for the class is $12!

Well, my mom and Ryan both picked up on how much fun this class was and how much I wanted to keep going, so they got me punch cards for the class. Now I have 14 more times to go and lose myself in the rhythm and dance!

So, why am I writing on my momma blog about a dance class? Well, because it makes such a difference to have things to do- just for me, that don't involve kids or worrying about kids and their schedules and naps, sleeping, eating, behavior, etc. Zumba takes me back to a time where I was passionate about Spanish, latino cultures, traveling to Argentina, Spain, Mexico, Honduras, etc. It takes me back to High School dances where I'd be out on the center of the dance floor the entire dance, just having a blast and being a goof. (Admittedly, I wish I had taken this class in HS! I would have looked SO COOL out there with some real dance moves, instead of the sprinkler or the shopping cart moves we busted! ;-)). It is so fun to have a chance to laugh at yourself while learning some provocative hip hop moves, simply in the name of a good work out and a good time! Tara is also a Spanish enthusiast and mother of two- her eldest proving to be quite an energetic and challenging kiddo- just like mine. So, for a few hours a week, we can forget all of our mom responsibilities and immerse ourselves in something a bit Latin, and utterly carefree and fun!

Alright- so as not to sound as if I am being paid to advertise Zumba, I'll stop there. I promise, my next post will be more related to my kids, or Christmas, or something relevant. Until then- have a great week!

Joyful Joyful

Can I just say, in the past month or so, I have had the chance to actually get to know my son, and he is awesome. Some of you are probably wondering what on earth I mean- isn't he 8 months old? Yes, yes he is. But for the previous months, there was so much time and frustration related to Sheldon's sleeping, eating, nursing, formula, waking from naps, waking at night, etc., that I didn't really get much time to just PLAY with him. And now that the kid can suck down a bottle in a matter of minutes and he eats baby food like a champ, we get to play a lot. And he is SO much fun. He is such a smiley, silly, fun little guy and I love his frequent belly laughs and giggles. I love that he rolls everywhere instead of crawling. He loves banging things and dropping things. When he hears or sees clapping, he claps too. He is hilarious in the bath, splashing and growling and laughing like crazy. He has been sleeping through the night (8pm-6am) and it is glorious! He has also been sharing his silly self with the nice child care workers at church, MOPs and the Rec Center. I am being called out less and less and am enjoying the few hours away here and there! I cannot wait to see what kind of kid he becomes and I am excited to see his personality come out more and more.

We are also learning about how Coranelle ticks and when she is the happiest. She cannot be rushed. If she feels you stressed out about getting things done or getting out the door, she acts out. So, I have really worked on allowing more time and warnings for her to get ready to go someplace. And, we have been doing less (out and about), and playing at home more. This seems to be good for all of us and it has been fun to see my kids playing together and Coranelle's imagination run wild. She is truly incredible- spunky, smart, and so intuitive! She is loving counting down the days to Christmas with our online and paper Advent calendars as well as a paper chain we made. She soaks up Christmas stories and is memorizing them. I can read her books like the "Polar Express" and stop mid sentence anywhere in the story and she can finish the sentence. Her memory astounds me!

Shopping this year was so fun because our families have taken the pressure off of buying for all siblings and parents and focused more on the kids. So, I have had a great time finding fun toys for each kid and I cannot wait to see them play with their new gifts! Another joyful thing we have found this season is looking at Christmas lights. In the evenings, we often bundle up and walk with the kids around the neighborhoods to see all the Christmas lights and decorations.

This is a very random and disconnected post, but I hadn't blogged in a while for lack of something to blog about. I thought I should just share some of the little joys we've been experiencing in our home recently. I hope you are all doing well and enjoying this season without being sucked into being over committed and stressed out!

hindsight

Our pastor at church this week said something that really struck me:

" Things always look better in the rear view mirror than in the headlights"- Jim Burgren

How true. As I listened to our pastor's story about his bi-polar wife who struggles with seizures and migraines on top the manic/depressive disorder, I had to step back a little and look at my own life and struggles. Then, my heart was broken by a story from a family in our church who haa a 7 year old daughter with stage 4 cancer.

I am listening to all this, while feeling comfort that my clingy two year old would do fine in her room because she was with her favorite child care worker. This particular worker has had her file stamped "terminal" for years because she has lung cancer- and she is younger than I am and has never smoked a cigarette in her life. She is the one of the sweetest, kindest, most caring people I have ever met. Whew... heavy.

But, I hold on to Jim's quote. If our pastor and a family with a child who has cancer can say that things look better when looking back than they do when looking ahead, than I can say that about our issues too. I just have to have patience in waiting and learning through each situation until I can see it from the rear view mirror.

Already, I can say that my nursing struggles (though they lasted almost 3 months) are over. Sheldon has successfully switched to formula and takes it happily along with some solid foods. I am done nursing and feel relieved and much less stressed out and anxious. We are also in the midst of re sleep- training Sheldon, without his swaddle. Though we had a few rough naps, he seems to be sleeping better without being all bundled up like a burrito. He even has begun to roll over and enjoy the comfort of sleeping on his tummy. (He looks SO adorable, by the way). I can look in my rear view mirror and say that all of those things look so much better!

I have also begun reading a book called " I may frustrate you, but I'm a Keeper", by Ray W Lincoln. I highly recommend this to any parent out there. It basically breaks down the different personalities of kids (and parents), and guides you through how to best parent your child by understanding how your child operates. Those of you who know me well or have been reading this blog since Coranelle was a wee one, you know that she has been... spirited, touchy, ummm, difficult in many ways. Well, I am finally learning a bit more about her temperament and why she acts the way she does. She is unique- no more than two percent of the population has the temperament that Coranelle has. But, two notable people who did- the apostle Paul and Ghandi! Thus to say, she has the opportunity to be brilliant and very influential if we can guide her in the right direction. I am learning how highly emotional and complicated she is, but also how gifted she is and the unusual potential she has with handling people. She is constantly affected by her atmosphere and I pray that we can help to create one that will benefit and help her. I could rattle on for pages about what I am learning about Coranelle, but I won't. I just want to stress that as I look at the first 2 1/2 years of her life, in light of this wonderful book, it all makes sense. I admit that looking into the future (with my headlights), I feel a heavy sense of responsibility. But, I can see her intensity and her fragility and all of the positive things she has done with that in the past and that gives me hope for what the future holds.

I am also reading about my personality, which has the tendency to worry and be pessimistic about anything. I am learning how worry is not a normal or healthy state of mind that we were created to enjoy, but destroys faith and hope. Knowing this makes "lightening up" a priority and enjoying where we are at now, instead of fretting about what the future may hold.

Sorry that this post is disconnected and a bit of rambling, but I wanted to document some of the things I am learning right now to help me keep things in perspective. I hope that you all had a great thanksgiving and are enjoying the holiday season!

it's always something

Grams and C watching Cinderella
The boys!


Out to breakfast with Grams!
The outdoor living room on our trip to Buena Vista!
Enjoying the Mt. Princeton hotsprings on a cold day

Happy Hour with the whole family!

I just briefly read over my last post and think it is funny that I wrote the post on the one day in the past few months that we actually found some relief. Things continue to be rough!

After Sheldon started eating again, he stopped sleeping. I have no idea why or what has caused this, but it's beyond exhausting. For the past few weeks, he has been awake between 4 and 8 times a night. Not just for a few minutes- where I can go put his paci back in and he falls asleep. Sometimes, we are up with him for 2 hours. We try everything... rocking him, walking with him, colic calm, ibuprofen, oragel, unswaddling, moving him to new locations... etc. He seems restless and uncomfortable and we'll find him arching his back and screaming out. We're not sure if it is caused by the sudden addition of solid foods, his formula, over stimulation... We have been working on scaling back the solid foods to two basic things- bananas and sweet potatoes. His formula is for fussiness and gas, so I am not sure that changing it (again) will help. Needless to say, it has been a trying situation- especially on top of the fact that Ryan has been working crazy long hours and Coranelle is showing her defiance in full force these days. It's hard to believe that I could be this tired and sleep deprived when my son is 7 months old. But, we are praying and hoping that Sheldon works through this soon and we can get back to "normal".

He is generally such a happy kid that it is hard that sleep seems to be such and ordeal. He is waking much more often during naps too, and is hard to soothe back to sleep. One of the few things that works (which could quickly get us into trouble), is to move him onto our bed and tuck a sheet over him and turn the bathroom fan on. For some reason, this sometimes helps him go back to sleep during naps. ??? I don't know why it works, but I have allowed it out of desperation.

Fortunately- the last two nights, we have only been up with him once or twice and that makes a huge difference. Any thoughts or suggestions?

On a much happier and lighter note- we did enjoy a little getaway this past weekend with Ryan's parents. The weather was freezing and windy, so we didn't get much walking or playing outside in. But, we did have a chance to relax, chat, play with the kids, enjoy daddy being around and soak up good views and a change of pace.

Relief!

At the Flatirons Fall Fest. Insane, but we had a good time.
Sheldon's new self- happy, satiated and smiling!
Coranelle's new night light. It's a blue moon at night and you set the alarm so that it lights up like the sun when it is okay to wake.
Her new big girl bed! She's done really well in it. (Except last night after trick or treating, when she wouldn't sleep until about 10:45 because she was just too excited!)


Well, things got worse before they got better. But, no matter... things have gotten better! Sheldon proceeded to go on a nursing strike, along with refusing formula and solid foods. Each feeding would take over an hour, as I tried to nurse Sheldon in various dark, quiet places- multiple times. When he pulled away and screamed time after time, I'd give up and try to offer a bottle of formula. He'd refuse that. Then, I'd try solid foods and he'd glue his mouth shut and cry! So, I'd try to pump and typically wouldn't let down. So, hesitantly... I'd have to thaw out some of my quickly dwindling supply of frozen breast milk. At times, he'd take that in a bottle. At that point, I'd be beyond frustrated. Truthfully, I'd be angry at Sheldon- which I am fully aware, makes no sense. It's not rational, as he is an innocent baby and he's not trying to be difficult or defiant. Regardless, I was stressed, mad, and exhausted. To top it off, I was feeling really guilty that I was not spending any quality time with Sheldon- we were just battling about eating. Further, Coranelle was being ignored completely as we went through the hour and a half charade of feeding- 6 times a day.

On Thursday, I told Ryan that if Sheldon refused to nurse 2 more times, I was done nursing. At that point, I felt that the benefits of nursing were not worth the ill effects it was having on our whole family. Sure enough, Sheldon refused the next two feedings and I vowed to be done with the battle.

At this point, here's what is going on;
I nurse Sheldon each morning when he wakes, as this is the only feeding he doesn't resist. For the next 5 feedings, he gets a bottle. Right now, the bottle is 2 ounces of my milk, and 3 ounces of similac formula. Surprisingly, he seems to actually like this mixture and can suck it down in a matter of minutes. To keep up my stores of milk to add to the formula, I am still pumping 2 times a day for now- at nap and after the kids go to bed. This will end as we slowly decrease my milk in his bottle and transition over to all formula. This new routine has helped us all SO much. I just have a huge load off my shoulders. Instead of racing into Sheldon's room before he wakes from a nap to try to nurse him when he is still only semi-conscious and cannot fight me, I can let him sleep. When he wakes, he and I can play and cuddle until he seems hungry and then I make up a bottle. Rather than hiding in a quiet dark room every time I feed, I can feed him a bottle while sitting at the dinner table with my family, or outside while Coranelle and Ryan are raking leaves. I am enjoying feeds SO much more now! The overall mood in our house is so much lighter and happier! This weekend, Sheldon was a really happy kid and he and Coranelle would get into little fits of giggles. Priceless!

For some strange reason, when I quit nursing, Sheldon decided he liked solid foods. I'm not sure if this is coincidental or linked, but Friday, he decided that he loved sweet potatoes. Ever since, he has been eating solids three times a day- like a champ. Bananas, applesauce, squash, sweet potatoes, and more. It makes us SO happy to see our little man eating and wetting diapers and happy again!

Thank you all for your thoughts, prayers, support and advice through this almost 2 month feeding struggle. Continue praying that we can switch him over to formula and I can be done pumping and washing pump pieces!

battle of wills

Sheldon's first time at the pumpkin patch!









So, I have to take a few minutes to vent about our current feeding issues. I'm writing this out to document what we are going through and what we have tried, and also in hopes that someone out there has some advice.

For the past week or so, we have been working on adding formula into Sheldon's diet. I have been replacing the noon feed with formula so that I get a little break from nursing and to ensure that Sheldon is getting enough to eat. When we began, he would take up to 6 ounces of formula at that feed. Since, he has started to refuse it, or take only an ounce. He seems like he is trying to outsmart us. He'll take next to nothing at that feed and then hold out until I nurse him the next time. I am not sure what to do about this. Yesterday, Ryan tried to feed him formula while I was out to lunch with some friends. He took an ounce. So, we decided to not "give in" and nurse him the next feed. We fought him tooth and nail to get another ounce in him. (He should be taking 6 to 8 ounces per feed). So, then the question is, do we keep forcing formula on him and just deal with him being starving and grumpy? We finally gave in and gave him breast milk before bed because I was too exhausted to fight him anymore.

Here's the thing, I don't necessarily want to be done breast feeding, I just want the option for him to have a bottle or two of formula each day. I think it would give me peace of mind and a little break. I also don't think he is getting near the amount of food he needs each day. He should be getting close to 40 ounces of food. I'd be surprised if he was getting 25.

The next logical solution would be to use solid foods. Yet, we cannot seem to find a time that Sheldon will eat them. He's either too hungry and just wants a bottle or to nurse, or he is too tired, or he has just nursed and is too full to be interested. Almost every time we try to feed him, he glues his mouth shut, or gets mad and starts crying. What is a mom to do?

I don't necessarily feel that this is the ideal time to battle this out. We are currently working on switching Coranelle over to a toddler bed, we are getting new phones, having a landscaping project done, and I am making lots of extra meals for some friends that just had babies. This past week, we had people over to our house for dinner 4 out of 5 nights. Yes, that seems like a random and small list of things, but it just makes it too hard to deal with a hunger strike too. I am also trying to extend the times between Sheldon's feedings from 3 to 3 1/2 hours, as I feel like he is old enough to just eat more at each feeding.

Any advice on a switch over to formula or getting kids to eat solid foods? I'd appreciate it!

lost

Getting some love from her uncle Stefan at his birthday celebration.
Taking a nap on Grandpa Steve while mommy and daddy had a date night!
Loving the swings!
Sitting up all on his own!


I told Ryan the other night that I was feeling like I was in a bit of a slump. As a stay-at-home mom, my life drastically changed when Coranelle was born. My career, my worries, my spare time, my friends, my body, pretty much everything. Sometimes, I wonder if there is any of the old "me" left.

We had just finished having a really fun, celebratory dinner with Ryan's brother because they learned on Saturday that in about 20 weeks, they are going to have a baby boy. Yay! We get a nephew and Coranelle and Sheldon are going to have a cousin to play with! My parents came over to watch our kids and we went to church and dinner with Josh and Claire. It was the first time in 14 months that we have gone out with another couple, without kids. It was so fun to share a meal, laugh, be silly, talk and have my mind on something other than my kids- whether or not they're eating enough, if they're sleeping, if they're happy, etc. It made me remember the "me" that I was when Ryan first met me. The girl who could, and often did, laugh so hard I cried, snorted and peed my pants. Where did that girl go? Well, I had kids and life changes. The responsibility is much greater. Is that part of me lost?

I cannot blame that change on my kids. It is something that I need to be aware of, and work on. My kids need to see me laugh, often. They need to see me be silly and care-free more often. They need to know me as I was when their daddy met, and fell in love with me. I have to work on taking life a little less seriously.

On the other hand, here is why I have been taking life seriously lately. We went to Sheldon's 6 month appointment on Fri. He went from being in the 46% in weight at 4 months, to the 8th% at 6 months. He is still growing, but that is a BIG slow down in his weight gaining speed. The pediatrician recommended that I do everything I am already doing to help my milk supply stay up. The hard part is, Sheldon won't take formula and he is very resistant to solid foods. We have just recently got him to the point of tolerating carrots. Over the course of 15-20 min, we might get a tablespoon of pureed carrots in him. Not enough to make up for the milk he needs and might not be getting. I tried to pump before we left for Mops this morning so I could bring him a bottle, but no letdown= no milk. So, I nervously pulled one of my 5 bags of frozen milk left from the freezer. That means I only have 5 more times that I can rely on stored milk to get him fed. That scares me!

Also at Sheldon's appointment, he got 5 vaccinations. That REALLY did a number on the little guy, so he was a bit of a cranky mess this weekend. The tylenol seemed to do nothing in the way of relieving his pain, so we went out late Friday night to get him some Motrin. It's a good thing too, because before his dosage of motrin, he was waking up about every hour. Coranelle also had a couple of rough days this weekend- waking up from naps with night terrors and refusing to take naps. The lack of sleep made her a wreck- erupting into inconsolable tears over nothing. So, it was a bit of a rough weekend.

Which brings me to my question- what are your suggestions to me to help me relax and loosen up a bit. When we have weekends like this, I just feel utterly consumed with kid "stuff". I'd love a few tips!

On a much brighter and happier note, Sheldon has done a bit better being left. I tried leaving him at the rec center for the first time yesterday, and he made it for a whole hour. They said he cried on and off for a bit, but did well for the first time. That allowed me a half hour to chat with a friend on the elliptical! And today at Mops, I fed him and then checked him into the nursery and he stayed for an hour and a half! They said he even played and was happy for a while. He screamed for a while when he got tired and they got him to go to sleep in his carseat! What a wonderful feeling! Good little man- giving his mommy a periodic break!

I suppose that's all my brain can think of, as far as an update. I hope you are all enjoying this gorgeous fall!

Grandmadele and Sheldon giggling together
Super Duper Underdogs!
Love this girl!
My boy loves the swing!

A trip to the butterfly pavilion
Looking at the butterflies eating the nectar

Trying to get a picture in front of the awesome flowers, but it was too bright!


"Family isn't a static thing. There are always changes going on. Like with continents, sometimes the changes are invisible and underground, and sometimes they are explosive and deadly. The trick is to keep your balance. You cannot control the direction of your family any more than you can stop the continental shelf from breaking apart. All you can do is hold on for the ride." -Kristen Hannah from The Winter Garden

I just finished the book, The Winter Garden by Kristen Hannah. It was a really powerful book about mother daughter relationships throughout 4 generations. Part of the book took place in Leningrad (now St. Petersburg), during WWII when the Germans were bombing. It was a striking tale of the strength of women during the war and their ability to support their families and survive. Anyhow, the above quote really caught my attention and I have been thinking about it a lot recently.

Tonight, I took Sheldon to church with me. Ryan is out of town with some friends on a mountain biking trip and my mom and Steve took Coranelle for a special sleepover. So, I get some quality time with my boy. I, once again, attempted putting Sheldon in the nursery and was, once again, called out almost immediately. I went to "rescue" my screaming, red faced, hyperventilating child. It turned out that I couldn't concentrate on more than a few minutes of the sermon in the busy, cry room. And then I attempted to nurse him and failed miserably. He was too distracted and I did not let down. So, I left early to come home to nurse and pump. Whew.... Kind of a wash.

I am a bit frustrated that Sheldon is going through the same intense attachment that Coranelle did. I would selfishly love to leave him and enjoy a church service, an hour at the gym, or even a morning at Mops. But, I don't foresee that happening successfully any time in the near future. I suppose I could get really bent out of shape about the situation. But, like the quote says, there are some things that you just cannot control. I just have to hold on for the ride. I need to keep in mind that Coranelle went through the same thing and eventually (6 months later) got over it. Sheldon will grow up quickly- too quickly. I won't be able to hold him on my lap and listen to him babble and chew on his toys for much longer. I need to cherish this moments and stop looking forward to the next step or when my kids are older. In reality, they are constantly changing. I should feel a little flattered that my son is most comfortable with me, because that wont always be the case.

The books I have been reading recently have put my recent trials with my kids into perspective. I am not living in a war torn country with people starving and freezing to death all around me. I don't live with the fear or effects of a horrible disease. I am really lucky to have the healthy, happy family that I do and live in such a beautiful, safe place.

I am going continue to really work on giving up the need and desire to control all of these crazy situations that I deal with as a mom, and enjoy the ride.