So hungry

My little doll! I cannot believe I captured this instant. I told her to smile and she usually is too busy to stop and smile, so I didn't expect such a good shot!
Showing me around! Hopefully we can make it back and visit the petting zoo and jumpy castles when the whole world isn't there.
My two favorite people!
Her little cluster of favorites. She loves pumpkins!

I am obviously aware that this is a really silly thing to be blogging about, but it's the honest truth- I am so hungry all the time. I went from never wanting to smell food, talk about food, hear people discuss food to wanting to eat all the time. I don't remember being this hungry when I was pregnant with Coranelle. I am trying to eat healthy snacks and take care of myself, but I'm not perfect.

I also somehow gained about 7 pounds in just over 2 weeks. That seems a bit fast! But, I know it was because I was sick and then didn't really eat or drink for about 9 weeks. My body is making up for it- I guess. I just hope the weight gain slows a bit, or I'll get too big to chase my kid around!

Since I have my appetite back, I have started doing some meal planning. I am enjoying browsing through cook books and cooking again. The grocery shopping with a mini toddler- well, that's not so fun, but we get through it. Here's what I've made thus far:
Famous Mork burritos (2 batches)
Loaded baked potatoes
Huevos rancheros
Chicken fried rice
Pasta bean and sausage ziti
Spinach and cheese omelets
Warm fajita salad
Potato and bean chowder
Grilled egg sandwiches
Beer cheese bread
Mexican gumbo
Ham and cheese calzones

Whew! That's a lot of cooking! And a lot of eggs and potatoes- not sure why, but my body seemed to want them. If you have fun recipe suggestions, feel free to let me know! Or, if you have good ideas for snacks to keep me going, I'd appreciate those too!

In news unrelated to food, Ryan was a busy guy this weekend replacing the shocks and struts on our 4-runner. He's quite the handy man and also put a 3 inch lift on our car, and thus we officially have an off road vehicle! And, a pretty cool mom car, I might add. We also took a trip to the pumpkin patch (along with the rest of the world) and got some fun pictures. (Posted above). This coming weekend, my dad, Christina and Kyle arrive for a visit and we're looking forward to spending some time with them.

The lifted 4 runner!
The two Mork off roading vehicles. I think ours might be a little more "family friendly" than "Clifford"- or Josh's. I think this was taken before the lift... but I am not sure- which is sad and funny at the same time. You see, I didn't really want the lift, so you'd think I'd be able to tell the difference on the car I drive every day.

That's all for now. I hope you are all enjoying your fall!

celebrations!

Checking out the lights at the zoo. She LOVED them!
Really enthralled with the Lorikeets. Coranelle liked them too! :-)
Enjoying the morning at the zoo with mom/ Grandmadele.


Just wanted to share a little bit of good news. The test that I studied for for months and took with the stomach flu and nausea- well, I passed it! I am so relieved. Now, I am one step closer to my ESL endorsement. My next step is waiting to see if all of my classes count.

Second little celebration is that I am almost through the first trimester (14 weeks on Thursday) and am feeling much better! I finally have an appetite back and am gaining back the weight I have lost over the last few months. I am actually grocery shopping and cooking again! I can open my vegetable drawer without gagging and cook chicken (with garlic and onion!), without having to dry heave! It is so much easier to be excited about being pregnant when I feel better! I am still tired, but it's 100 times better than feeling sick all day. And, I don't think the being tired feeling is going to go away anytime soon- considering the wee one that I chase around, carry and entertain all day. Now that I am cooking again, she LOVES seeing everything I am doing and wants to be held so she can see everything I chop, grate, boil or bake. Making a meal and holding a toddler is a workout in itself! I get frustrated that things that I used to be able to do seem immensely harder now. I'm not THAT far along and am just starting to show, but when I take classes at the rec center, my face is purple and I am just dying. Anything that requires core strength seems impossible. How is it that I already have lost any abs I had gained back after Coranelle? Oh well, it's all for a great outcome, sometimes I just feel frustrated that things I used to do all the time leave me completely winded and exhausted.

Coranelle has a little baby doll of her own that she is learning to care for. She is not gentle at all, but she loves the baby. She points to my belly all the time and says "Bay- beeee" in the cutest way. We have some books for her about being a big sister that I hope help a bit.

Coranelle seems to be talking up a storm right now, getting very proficient at mimicking our words and it is fun to see her vocabulary expand. I think that this age is really fun and I enjoy seeing her turn into a kid and explore the world around her.

That's all for now. Just a few little bits of good news.

loneliness leads to appreciation

I've been feeling a bit lonely recently. Nothing to cry over, just kind of a deep feeling inside my gut. You see, I used to be surrounded by people during all hours of the day. At any given moment, I had twenty 9 year olds that needed something or wanted to share something with me. I had lots of co-workers coming in and out of my classroom to chat and to plan lessons. Our social lives were pretty busy on weekends with other singles or newlyweds.
I suppose a lot has changed since I had a child. There are days where I go from 10am until 6pm without talking to another adult, except maybe the grocery clerk. It's okay, I really appreciate this time of my life and the chance to know Coranelle. But, sometimes it gets lonely. I believe it has been over a year since I saw one of my girlfriends that I knew and was close to before having a kid. And even then, I had Coranelle with me, so it was hard to be fully focused. That's not super alarming, really. In high school, most of my closest friends were guys. It wasn't until Capernwray that I had a girlfriend that I had always hoped and prayed for, the one you spend tons of times with and can talk to for hours on end. I had a few more in college, and I miss them dearly. Girlfriends that I could run with, bike with, train for triathlons with, pray with, cook with, have sleepovers with, pour my heart and soul to. Life has taken us to different corners of the nation and different pages of our stories. But I miss that closeness.
Don't get me wrong. I feel so thankful for the moms that I have made friends with in the past year or so. I have really enjoyed my time with them and they have been extremely supportive and helpful and kind. But, it is a different relationship. They don't KNOW me in the same way as my girlfriends from the past did. I am somehow now 90% Coranelle's mom, and 10% Kari. Or, it feels that way. And different parenting styles, work schedules, family planning, etc. often makes it so that Coranelle and I spend a grand portion of the day alone together. Some mornings when I wake up, I feel a little overwhelmed by the fact that I need to entertain Coranelle on my own for about 10 hours.
The two of us went to the zoo together Wednesday and I was hoping to have someone else come, but a few options fell through. We ended up having a total blast and she was an angel. I could really focus on her and what she wanted to see and explore and it was a really wonderful mother daughter day that I will treasure for a long time. I started reflecting on my loneliness and realized that I have something that not many women have.





My husband is truly my best friend. He is someone that I can share my soul with. We are that couple that likes to do almost everything together. He will bike, hike, run, swim, cook, relax, and explore with me. We think alike on just about everything. We agree on faith, politics, our individual roles, how to spend money, where to shop for our clothes, what kind of car to buy, how to save money, how to raise Coranelle, and on and on. Okay, so we disagree on how often the lawn should be mowed, but that's pretty minor. I am so thankful that I have my best friend by my side through all the transitions, drama, chaos, and blessings that life brings. I get to see him every morning and evening and find fun things to do with him and Coranelle all weekend long. Even when we're doing mundane projects like building a patio, we have a good time together. It's so refreshing to have a conversation with him in the evenings and feel like someone really knows me, gets me.
Although I do hope that as time goes on, I deepen some present relationships and create new ones, I truly appreciate my family and the people I have in my life right now.

Yuk!

Ryan and Coranelle out to lunch while I was sick. Yup, Super dad!


Whew! I feel like the last few weeks have just been rough... like we cannot really catch a break. Last week, we discovered that Coranelle really likes Edamame beans. We certainly overfed her, but she is so picky and eats so little that we just let her eat until she was done. Apparently, her body didn't process the soybeans super well, or so we thought. The next morning, she seemed to have thrown up in her crib a little and I proceeded to wash all her sheets, stuffed animals, PJ's, etc. I gave her a bath and she seemed totally fine, so I assumed she had just eaten too much. Later that day, I left her at the Rec center child care, only to be called 10 minutes into my workout. Coranelle had diarrhea and had had a huge blowout. Yikes. They didn't want to pick her up because she was covered, so she was totally upset, and I was totally embarrassed. They had to call in the cleaning crew and I couldn't stop apologizing. Of course, once I picked her up, I was covered, so we had to come home and do more laundry and take showers.

Thursday night, I came down with some nasty stomach flu and have never felt sicker in my life. Truly. I was in the bathroom every 30 minutes from 11pm- morning. I was so exhausted from dry heaving and so nauseous that Ryan had to stay home from work Fri. I could hardly move, let alone eat and there was no way I was going to be able to take care of Coranelle. Meanwhile, Ryan took Coranelle to a lunch with co-workers Friday only to bring her home screaming with another huge blow-out. So, there I am, barely able to stand up, holding a gross, screaming child while Ryan got a bath going. Ryan was fantastic. Super dad really. He took perfect care of both of us, brought me flowers, bought soup and sprite and made sure I was drinking.

My test was on Saturday and really difficult to re-schedule. I fortunately slept Friday night and pulled myself together enough to sit through the 3 hour, 80 page test. I think I passed too, which is great. I came home to Ryan not feeling well either and we both just tried to survive the day. We were so anxious to put Coranelle down for her nap so we could rest. We made it through and we seemed to get better really quickly, which I am so thankful for! Unfortunately, I didn't get to fully recover, because now I am back to regular pregnancy nausea. But, I can certainly handle that a lot better than whatever we had this weekend. Hopefully, we are done with that for a long time! Thanks to everyone for their kind words, prayers, and dropping off delicious food! Hopefully, we can get back to normal this week and Coranelle and I can have some fun outings and I can relax and get some things done, instead of studying during naps.

Yesterday, we had Coranelle's child dedication at our church, and below are a few pictures.
Lots of kiddos being dedicated. Coranelle was upset that she had to be held. There were stairs behind us that she'd rather play on.
Coranelle being good and fully entertained with her Auntie Claire's coke bottle during the dedication. She is really hard to take pictures of now because she never sits still, so this is the best we have.

second excuse

For dinner tonight, I ate a bowl of Malt-O-Meal. Ryan wanted enchiladas for dinner and I had to go buy them already-made. I couldn't stomach chopping garlic and onion and I cannot even think about chicken. I just now had half a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. This morning at 6:15 am, I was sitting on our bathroom floor dry heaving. There are many days where I FEEL as if I could throw up at any second, but don't. For about the past 5 weeks, I cannot open our vegetable drawer without gagging. Keeping up with Coranelle has suddenly become exponentially harder as she runs circles around me and I can't help but wish she'd share some energy with me- as I don't have any. Are you getting what I am hinting at? My second excuse for not blogging very often.... What if I added that, despite the weird eating habits, feeling sick and uncomfortable and tired, that it is all worth it and I am excited and blessed. Get it now?

Yup, I am pregnant! With baby Mork #2. The expected due date is April 14th. Coranelle and her little sibling will be about 23 months apart. This time, I knew a week before the pregnancy test came back positive that I was pregnant. I remembered the "off" feeling I had felt with Coranelle. So, by my birthday, I was sure there was another one on the way. We knew before Stefan and Rachael's wedding and tried (horribly unsuccessfully) to keep things quiet so that we didn't steal any of their "thunder". But, they found out immediately and were wonderfully excited and supportive.

We are thrilled and thankful that it has been a healthy pregnancy thus far. I am almost 11 weeks along and we got to hear a strong, healthy heartbeat at 8 weeks. It was reassuring to have everything checked out and I am thankful and relieved that so far, all is well. I have to be honest, when we found out I was pregnant, I was equally as nervous as I was excited (even though it was planned). You see, having an infant with a two year old (and not just ANY two year old), seems a bit daunting. When I have rough days with Coranelle and I just feel like she consumes all my time and energy, I cannot help but wonder how I will handle nursing, being sleep deprived, soothing a fussy baby and keeping up with Coranelle. But, what good is worrying going to do? I am sure that God will give us the grace and strength to get through it.

Coranelle clearly doesn't fully understand what is coming, but we talk about it here and there. Now, when I say the word, "baby", she comes and points to my tummy. I am going to try to find some books on little siblings and possibly get her a doll to help her get used to the idea. I am totally up for other suggestions to help a sensitive child adjust to a new baby. I think she will be a good helper and an incredibly sweet sister (once she adjusts). She is always helping me at home now. When I sing her clean up song, she always happily helps put all of her blocks and legos away. If I need her to bring me something, she does it cheerfully. Another way she has helped me out hugely in the past few months is her willingness to be watched by others. Two days a week, I take her to the rec center day care for an hour (you cannot beat good $2/hour childcare). She has done pretty well and only cries until I walk out the door. I always return to a smiling child, thrilled with all the new toys and kids to play with. She has also finally adjusted the child care at church and every weekend, Ryan and I get a one hour chance to sit together quietly and really listen and be recharged, challenged, encouraged, etc. Coranelle loves the volunteers and they love her and I always pick up a kid who has been running around and playing so hard that her little cheeks are flushed and her sweet head is sweaty. These periodic breaks will be great for a little extra time with baby two. And it ensures that Coranelle will do okay spending time with other people who love her when I cannot focus all my time on her.

Before you make your judgments about the space between my two kids (or lack thereof), let me explain. Stefan and I are just 21 months apart, and although the first year was really tough on mom, things worked out. Of course, Stefan and I fought as kids. But, we were also friends and a good support team as we grew up. Now, I feel like we are very close for siblings and I like the age difference. I don't think waiting another year or two would make the first year that much easier or make kids fight less. Secondly, had I waited a bit longer to get pregnant, baby two might have been born just a day or two before Coranelle's birthday and I thought that might be nice to avoid so each kid could have their special day. (Petty, I know, but somehow important in the planning). I also did not want to be 8 months pregnant in the hot summer. So, April it is and that seems perfect. Plus, after April 15th, my mom is done with tax season and more available to help. And, after the beginning of June, Grams (Heidi) is done with school and she can help out over the summer. Finally, I'd like to get back to teaching before I completely forget what I am doing and so having kids closer together just worked for us.
This is Stefan adjusting to having a little sister (me).

I am thrilled to meet the new little one and see what their personality is like. I think the grandparents are really happy to be looking forward to another grandchild. I am excited to see Ryan with another baby, as he has proven to be a better father than I ever could have imagined possible. He's currently taking great care of all of us. When I don't feel well, he eats ramen with me. I get a back rub every night! He's always making sure I'm getting snacks and drinking and taking my prenatals. He rearranges his schedule so he can watch Coranelle and I can take a nap or rest. He's truly been awesome. But, that's no surprise to those of you who know him.

That's all for now, as my lack of energy has affected my ability to string coherent thoughts together at this very late hour of ... 9:39pm. Any suggestions for Coranelle or me or us are always welcome!

PS The addition to the family is why we upgraded to a bigger vehicle with more cargo space. :-)
Stefan and me- a mere 21 months apart.

taking action (with much hesitation)

Once again, many apologies for neglecting the blog. I have two excuses. I'll disclose one now and the other can wait for another blog. I scheduled to take my ESL endorsement test Sept 25th and have been making the most of my "free" time studying and preparing for the test. There is a lot I feel I need to re-familiarize myself with and a lot of philosophies, politics, legislation, and theories that I need to learn. I really hope to pass the test the first time, so it means setting a pretty strict schedule for myself to be prepared. I am actually enjoying the studying and feel like the books I am studying would have helped me immensely more than my college courses for the type of students I had when I was teaching. So, I have one and a half weeks left to cram. Yikes!

Today, I had my first heart to heart "discussion" with my daughter. I had to put "discussion" in quotes because, clearly, a 15 month old cannot really converse with words. Regardless of her lack of words, my child has volumes full of body language and she never ceases to amaze me. Let me explain. Ryan and I have been noticing that the hair pulling habit has not ended- rather she has a whole new terrible bald spot. Gulp. This one is in the back of her head.

So, her hair seems to be long enough again that she can gets her little hand around it and yank. Thank the Lord that she does not appear to be eating it. (I've checked her diapers). Instead, I seem to be finding it on her PJs in the morning and stuck to her stroller and clothes. Anyhow, Ryan and I have been discussing this in her presence and I have talked to a few other people about it while she's around. I finally stopped and thought about it today and realized that Coranelle probably understands a lot of what we are saying and I don't imagine that she likes being talked over. So, I sat her down in her bumbo seat before lunch today (yes, she is still tiny enough to fit in her bumbo seat) and we had a chat. I told her that it made me really sad that she is pulling out her hair and that her head looks ugly with all the bald patches. I told her that I really don't understand why she is doing it, but it stresses me out and makes me sad. Meanwhile, Coranelle never stops looking into my eyes. When I told her that it made me sad, her bottom lip started to quiver. She was very remorseful and listened intently, sitting still. I explained to her that she was a really beautiful girl and I wished she'd be more gentle with her hair. At that point, she gave me a weak little smile and gently stroked her head. I asked her if she could always be gentle, and she nodded in earnest. Then, I told her I loved her tons and tons, and she responded by holding her arms out and giving me a big hug and sloppy kiss. Wow! That kid. I swear she is an intuitive psychologist trapped in a 15 mo old's body. Obviously, I don't have my hopes set on this discussion fixing our problems because when she needs to self soothe, her habit is still there. But, she is a pretty amazing girl.

Next step is that we have to cut her hair again. This makes me terribly sad, but Ryan is right. Her hair is going to look ridiculous if we let it grow out right now, given she has three big, bald patches. She needs to have her hair all the same length. I hate that we have to cut it again (almost as much as I hate the fact that I am blogging about this again). I am so incredibly weary of having people ask me - every time we are out- how old my little boy is. Seriously people, girls do not have to be dressed head to toe in pink, with ribbons and bows. Notice the purple flowers on the pants, or the pink stripes on the shoes. Sorry, I am overly sensitive to this. I realize there could be a LOT worse things to be dealing with. It's just an explanation for why I don't want to cut the hair again. So, we- I- took some action.

To preface, I had a sort of vision of what I wanted Coranelle's ear piercing experience to be. I remember mine (and this could be wrong Mom, but this is what I remember) and it was a great memory. I think it was a Sat. morning right before the annual Easter egg hunt at Stanley Park. I believe I was 5 and excited to get the ears pierced. So, mom took me and it was just us and I felt pretty special. When my ears were done, I got to show them off at the Easter egg hunt and everyone made a big deal about how pretty my ears were. I was hoping Coranelle's experience could be something like that.

But, we never imagined our child would be pulling all her hair out. Last night, Ryan finally relented to letting me pierce Coranelle's ears so that she wouldn't be mistaken for a boy once we chop of all her hair again. So, this afternoon, we went to Claire's and got her ears pierced. She has adorable ears and now they are studded with pretty purple decor. It was traumatizing, just like the shots, but we got through it. Not what I had imagined ( restraining and holding a wailing, flailing child), but that's life. She hyperventilated for a bit, but I think that was more on account of me taking away her wet, sticky lemon sucker before we got into our "new" car than the ear piercing.
The new earrings in the new car. They are smaller than they look in this photo, but you can see the purple marker they used to mark the spot. We couldn't get all the marker off after the piercing because Coranelle was so mad.

Speaking of which, yes, we got a new car a few weekends ago. It is a beautiful "dolphin gray" 2003 4 Runner. More on why we got the car soon, but I'd love to humor any guesses in the meantime.

So, I took some (possibly controversial) action today and we'll see how things play out. In the meantime, if you're the praying type, I'd love some prayer for handling this situation and that Coranelle will break the habit before it's diagnosed as some sort of mental disorder. I'm not being totally dramatic- google trichotillomania.

Hugs to all and thanks for reading.

This picture was of our date on Saturday. We went mountain biking in Lyons while mom and Steve watched Coranelle. We got to enjoy lunch out and run some errangs, all while Coranelle was an angel for her grandparents.

little moments

Coranelle went in for her 15 mo appointment today and I thought I'd give a little update. I don't have all the paper work in front of me because it is still sitting in Ryan's car, but I'll give a few rough stats. She weighs about 19.5 pounds. I thought she had broken 20, but I guess we were wrong. That puts her back down in the 5th percentile. She is 31 inches (53rd percentile). Her head is the 81st percentile, so I guess she's a smart little cookie.

She now has bald spots on both sides of her head as she seems to be still pulling her hair out. So, we discussed this concern with the pediatrician and didn't learn a whole lot. We just need to keep her hair short (which makes me terribly sad) and distract her from the habit when we can.

Ryan got to come with me to the appointment this time and it was nice to have his perspective and have him hear everything from the doctor and help entertain Coranelle as we talked. Once again, I almost cried as we watched Coranelle receive her shots, but Ryan was much stronger about it. She's currently upstairs, sleeping off the trauma of 3 shots, a hemoglobin test, and her finger nails being clipped. Poor little one.

The pediatrician asked me if Coranelle was getting any easier for us. I didn't really know how to answer. I wouldn't necessarily describe my days with her as easy, but it makes me sad that people see her in that light- as a kid that is so hard that we might not be enjoying parenthood. I know I have done my fair share of worrying about her, and complaining about her, but I have to make myself clear... we LOVE her so much! She is such a gift and though she is not a super chill kid, we totally enjoy her personality.
Here are a few of the things that I get to enjoy on a daily basis with Coranelle:
1. Her big wet kisses on our cheeks with her tongue out
2. Her huge smile in the morning when I come to get her out of the crib
3. The intelligent way she signs "more", "help", "all done", "bath", "bed", "change", "please", and "I love you".
4. When she anxiously chooses a book and crawls into your lap to hear you read it
5. Sometimes, when you're sitting on the floor, playing with her, she'll run into your arms and give you a big hug
6. The way she loves to push her stroller around everywhere and help out
7. I sweep often and Coranelle loves to grab the broom and help me out
8. The way she babbles and chats in her carseat
9. I love it when she is shy in a crowd and holds on to the back of my legs until she feels comfortable
10. The way she can look deep into your eyes and read your soul

She is so smart and affectionate and sweet and we are so thankful for the last 15 months.