Keeping up with the Jones

What is it about human nature and our society that makes us feel as if we never ever have enough or do enough. How have we moved from being focused around family to focused on the income that comes in, how nice a car we drive, or how many square feet are in our house?

I have fallen into this mind trap quite often recently. We have visited friends’ homes for various parties and I find myself comparing houses, their sizes, the furniture, decorations, etc. I feel the little stab of jealousy when friends buy brand new cars and our new car is a 2003. I feel my stomach sink when I hear about someone who has a large trust fund or whose parents give extremely generous gifts for new babies or holidays. Why? Why do I feel this way? Why do I sometimes think that I should go back to work so that we can have nicer things? I feel and hear subtle looks and comments that make me feel almost embarrassed to tell people that I am a “stay at home” mom. So many moms seem to be back at work, working part-time or somehow bringing in some income and it makes me feel guilty- leech like- at times.

And really, these feelings are ridiculous. Truly. Yes, our house is 24 years old, and it’s not huge. But, we have 3 good sized bedroom, a wonderful fire place, a great layout and so many awesome memories here already. We have a great plan for our baby boy’s new nursery and I honestly love spending time at home. We have a great yard, patio, and wonderful neighbors and a perfect location. Sure, most of our furniture is hand-me-down, but do we enjoy our meals less sitting at a table that is as old as I am? Certainly not! Do we enjoy movie nights less because we don’t have the biggest TV out there? No. Ryan comes through that door in the evening and our house seems perfect and complete. Coranelle is happy playing on the floor of the kitchen, regardless of the fact that it’s not real wood. Further, our 2003 4 Runner is awesome! Really, it has tons of room, is comfortable, drives great and it seems as if every man who sees it, practically drools over the lift!

Do the gifts that our parents shower us with mean less because they’re not crazy expensive? Absolutely not! We have free babysitters whenever. Heido recently just purchased an entirely new, adorable wardrobe for Coranelle on Kohl’s clearance. Even my mom driving out to see us every week and treating me to a cup of coffee means far more than a check in the mail. The occasional pair of Christmas socks, a plate of English toffee- whatever the gift, they’re always very thoughtful. Our parents are deeply involved in our lives and Coranelle knows and loves them and that means so much more than money.

As far as going back to work, I cannot even express how empty my life would feel if I had to leave my kids all day, every day. I know that some couples choose this, or have to do it. But for us, I don’t mind having humble vacations instead of flying to Hawaii, driving an older car, living in an older house, and watching what we spend. If a date night means Qdoba instead of some fancy steakhouse- who cares? I get to be with my husband. If it means that our budget at Christmas for family members is $20 instead of $150, who cares. I still have fun shopping and picking out fun gifts. Budgeting seems like a small price to pay for the chance to play and interact with my daughter everyday. I get to teach her the colors, numbers, her letters, new words. We get to look for geese together, checkout to books together, cook and clean together. I get to have her kiss me and hug me and chat at me all day long. I am so absolutely grateful that my husband works his tail off so that I can have this opportunity. I think I need to retrain my thoughts to see how many great blessings surround me instead of comparing to everyone who appears to have more.

I realize this was a random post and just a splattering of my thoughts, but maybe some of the rest of you have felt this way too. Maybe this Christmas we need to stop every now and then to recognize how blessed and lucky we really are.

It takes a village

This past week was a rough one for us. All three of us took turns being sick and we had tons that we had hoped to accomplish. I found this week that it really DOES take a village to raise a child... and I need to humble myself and ask for that help in raising mine.

Tuesday night, Ryan came home from work and looking pained, he quickly made his way upstairs to throw up. There is nothing I hate more than seeing my husband sick and listening to him vomit. I quickly made a reservation for Coranelle at the Rec center and we left Ryan to be sick and try to rest without Coranelle begging to play with her daddy. We think he had food poisoning from an undercooked burger he ate at a lunch meeting. He made it to work Wednesday on a weak stomach. Tuesday night, I attempted to sleep on the couch, just in case what Ryan had was the stomach flu. I failed miserably in getting any sleep, as I felt a cold coming on and couldn't stop worrying about Ryan.

Wednesday night was another restless night for me and I saw every hour of the night pass. I felt the cold growing stronger, but my stomach was also uneasy and crampy. I got up at my usual 6am determined to get through the day, knowing Ryan had to go to work. I had to sit down twice in the shower and then again when I got out because I was so dizzy. Ryan sweetly offered to get Coranelle ready and take her with him to breakfast burritos while I got some extra rest. Before he brought her home around 8:30, I got up to get ready and promptly passed out. (At the dentist tonight, they told me my blood pressure was 90/50, so that might have something to do with it!) Anyhow, I should have taken that as a sign to slow down and ask Ryan to stay home or ask someone to come help me out, but I stubbornly got ready and made it look as if I was fine when Ryan arrived. It was a LONG day and I felt weak and achy all day, but we made it through.

Friday, Coranelle came down with a fever and I have not seen her that sad or fussy since she was 6 months old. She just kept crying and crying and wouldn't eat or play. My mom and I tried everything, and finally had to give her the pacifier to calm her down. She fell asleep while we were rubbing her back within about a minute (which is unheard of with Coranelle). I think she had a cold and the 6, yes 6, teeth that are coming in are giving her a diaper rash and bothering her a lot. So, we pushed through the weekend with a very clingy and sad child. We had our Christmas services at church this weekend and it took about 45 minutes for Coranelle to warm up to being in her toddler room so that we could enjoy the service.

By this point, I was so exhausted and frustrated, I was almost in tears. And then, I stopped for a second to reflect. I was able to enjoy sitting next to my husband during the service, because some wonderful volunteer offered to take my screaming kid and just deal with it until the service was over. Meanwhile, my husband was rubbing my back and neck very sweetly. I glanced behind me the the whole row was filled with big, burly, tough men in leather coats with worn faces. One man had tears of joy in his eyes and I realized how much I love our church and the people that it seems to reach out to and take care of. After the service, Ryan was sweet enough to take Coranelle home and take care of her while I had the opportunity to volunteer in the toddler room for the next service. It's something I've wanted to do for a while, and it was nice that Ryan made the extra effort to make it work.

Three times during the past week, I heard from Ryan's parents. They were offering to come watch Coranelle, have both of us over so we could nap, and come deliver groceries- or anything we needed/wanted from ANY store. This is after they watched Coranelle last weekend and Bruce spent two days helping Ryan fix our door. Looking back on the week, I know I should have received help more humbly, instead of trying to go grocery shopping with a toddler when I felt so light headed. Yesterday, my parents came out and played with Coranelle so that Ryan and I could go for a walk, get some errands done and do some house projects. It feels so nice to have had a little time with my hubby and to have our basement cleaned and organized.
Even Coranelle was helping me out. She wanted to vacuum for me when I wasn't feeling well. She kept kissing me and saying "All Better" to try to cure me!

I cannot express how much I appreciate my family and all they do to take care of us when we have rough weeks and are fainting and throwing up and crying inconsolably. I also keep looking at our fridge at all of the lovely Christmas cards we have received from friends and family and am reminded of how blessed and lucky we are to be surrounded by such caring, supportive people. People that have passed along hand-me-down toys and clothes, people that have taught us something about parenting. People that have given up their weekends to help us move, paint our house, put in a sprinkler system or a patio. People that bring us cards and gifts of congratulations when they find out we are expecting. As we move towards Christmas, I am moved by the generosity shown to us by others and hope that we can reciprocate that in future days and weeks to come.

I hope you are all feeling loved and relaxed in these last few days before Christmas.

pictures

I don't really have a any great inspiration for a post, so I decided to just put up some pictures and a few comments from the last few weeks. The above picture was taken while Coranelle stayed at her grandparent's house so we could go to Ryan's Christmas party. She spent the night there for the first time and did a great job. I think she had a blast!


Loving the time she got to spend with Grams. We're glad that it worked out so well because she'll be staying at their house for the duration of the time I am in the hospital with the baby. She seems so comfortable and happy there and that means a lot to us!
Being a monkey... nothing out of the ordinary.
I hear she was counting how many raisins were left in the bucket. I am sure she loves this bucket because it is Green, and green is her favorite color. She is learning all of her colors and can identify and say green, yellow, blue, pink, brown, red, and sort of orange. It is such a fun age of discovery and learning!
My little tomboy helping her PopPops with the chair pads- I think. I love that she is already using a hammer.
Eating her stars. What a cute picture. We've had a hard time getting her to eat much lately because 1. She has to do everything by herself. She points to herself and says "CoCoa"(which is how she says Coranelle. She hates help and isn't awesome with the spoon, so she eats about a third as much. 2. She has 4 teeth coming through on the bottom at the same time and it seems to have made her lose her appetite.
Here is Ryan and his baby girl at the zoo. I love them!

We took Coranelle to Zoo Lights in Denver on opening night with some friends and their son. She seemed to like the lights, but liked running around in the dark, holding on to her blanket, more than anything. The stroller was pointless, and she didn't want me to carry her, so I chased her through swarms of people trying to ensure that she didn't get lost.
This is Coranelle and her friend, Taavi. I met Taavi's mom through a breast feeding class when our kids were just a few weeks old. Taavi is 6 days older than Coranelle and his mom and I are both due with little boys mid-April. These two love to hug and kiss each other! It's precious!
Ryan and I went to zoo lights a few years back (pre- child). We were truly the only ones there without kids and felt really silly. It was a lot more fun to stroll around and look at the lights and animals with an inquisitive, wound up kiddo.
This is Ryan and me at his holiday Christmas party at the museum. It was a fun venue and we had a good time talking with all of his co-workers and friends and checking out some exhibits.
This is me at 22 weeks. I'm feeling pretty big, but still relatively comfortable. My stomach already cannot fit large meals and my neck and head have been hurting pretty much the whole pregnancy. But, all in all, things are going pretty smoothly and I am very thankful! I hope you are all enjoying the Christmas season! I'll try to come up with something a little more inspirational for next time.

and the gender is....

This is the first time I've blogged two days in a row for years, so don't get used to it. Just a quick post for those of you who are waiting anxiously in suspense to find out what the newest baby Mork will be. Boy or Girl.

We had our ultrasound appointment this morning. It was at 8:30am at the hospital- which is right across the street from the K-8 school that Ryan's mom works at. We had it all planned out to drop Coranelle of with her Grams while we went to the appointment. I don't think we fully realized the amount of school traffic that we would encounter at that time (even though I student taught there and am fully aware that school starts at 8:40). Anyhow, I told Ryan to go drop Coranelle off with his mom while I checked in. I was certain he wouldn't miss anything but me giving my urine sample and waiting. But, being that it was the first ultrasound appointment of the day and they wanted me with a full bladder, I was ushered right into the room with the ultrasound tech. I started to get all shaky and panicky because I knew Ryan was still in the school traffic and he had taken off time to come with me to the appointment. He was so excited! So, I squeakily asked the tech if she could wait to announce the sex of the baby until my husband got there and she agreed. She looked at everything, printed pictures, measured, checked the heartbeat, and still no husband. So, she covered up my belly and said, "Your husband better get here soon. I know what the baby is, but there is no guarantee that it will cooperate and I can show you". I almost started crying. But, Ryan arrived a few minutes later and she showed us both the baby. As she got down towards the leg/belly area, Ryan immediately said, "It's a boy!". And, it IS! A BOY! The little man was not hiding anything... not at all shy. So, we are positive.

We're so excited. SO thrilled. Actually, we don't really know how to act. We were just expecting girl so that if it was a boy, we could be pleasantly surprised. But, we both agree that we are used to a girl and not at all sure what to expect with a boy. Neither of us really let our thoughts go so far as to think about what it would be like if we did have a boy. Now, we have to wrap our heads around it.

Part of me is a little relieved that I won't have two teenage girls that hate me for a few years. :-) I was a bit nervous for that. And, I cannot even express how much fun I had with all my 9 and 10 year old boy students when I was teaching. I LOVED their sense of humor, their innocence, curiosity, and genuine kindness. As many of you know, most of my closest friends in HS were boys, so it will be so fun to raise one!

Ryan will be an awesome dad to a boy. I can picture them working on lifting cars, playing soccer, and smoking cigars together. (Not that Coranelle will not participate in all of the above, but it is a blessing that Ryan gets to father a son!).
That's all for now. I'll share the name once we are totally committed to it. Until then.... yay!

the stats

Playing with a phone on thanksgiving- We were twins!
I'm 18 months old!
Admiring her hard work after we decorated the tree.
Helping hang the balls that she chose at Home Depot for our tree.
My Black Friday shopper!


There is a one and a half year old running around the house now! How did that happen? A whopping 18 months old. She's NOT a baby anymore!

We went in for the 18 month appointment today. Gosh, I cannot imagine those with an infant along too! Not the point, but filling out surveys with a scared child, in a tiny tiled room with no toys, is difficult. But, Coranelle made herself heard and scribbled all over the 8 pages analyzing her development and growth. As always, I think the whole office heard her protesting and screaming while we weighed, measured and examined her. Not sure why that is so scary, but Coranelle HATES it all. On a positive note, my peanut has graduated from the fifth percentile in weight to the 13th- weighing a whopping 21 lbs, 11ounces. Yay! She's been eating really well lately- even enjoying vegetables again -not just tomato sauce and salsa, but bits of carrot, red pepper, cucumbers and olives. The new teeth must be helping her enjoy a bigger variety of foods. She loves her meat too, and "meat" is one of her favorite words now. As far as the other stats, she's 32 inches long (61st percentile) and her head is in the 80th percentile. She gets the big brains from her daddy!

I talked to the doctor about having another kiddo and helping her to adjust, potty training, night terrors, etc. Overall, she is doing really well. She's at the top of the charts for her communication, gross and fine motor skills, problem solving abilities and personal/social skills. I am very proud of her and feel SUPER blessed. We took a survey for Autism and she is not showing any signs for that either. So, really no complaints or anything out of the ordinary.

I cannot believe how her language has exploded in the last month. It is so fun to be able to communicate with her and see her learn lots of new words. She imitates everything I say and I cannot even keep track of all of her words. When we're driving, she loves for me to point things out and then she repeats it. "Cow, Sun, Bright, Tree, Car, Light, Horse, Etc." She also loves trying to recite the alphabet and she repeats all the letters. She's struggling with "W, J, and G" but, it's awesome! I think the more she can communicate, the happier she seems.

And, as for my last post... since my nervous ranting, she has improved significantly on being able to entertain herself. While I cook dinner, she'll sit in her high chair and play with her bowls and spoons. She is getting really interested in coloring, stickers and play-doh and she does pretty well playing on her own for a while while I do chores. I feel so much better about the new addition to the family when she acts a bit more independent. So, thanks for all your thoughts and prayers there.

Excuse me for the rather numerical and informative post. After tomorrow- I'll have some other kind of news to share. Yes, we learn the sex of the baby tomorrow! We're are very excited. Ryan thinks boy this time, and my guess is girl. We'll see who's right soon! Stay tuned!

restless dependence

I thought I would be blogging this post about our trip to Florida (which was awesome, by the way), but I have something pressing on my heart that I wanted to get out. It seems as if writing about things on my mind often really helps, not to mention that the little bits of feedback and the advice I get are priceless.

As I look towards the changes that face us in April with the arrival of a new baby into our lives, I have been feeling pretty anxious and apprehensive lately. I cannot stress how much I love Coranelle or how blessed we feel to have her in our lives. We love her spirited nature and who she is becoming. Yet, when I imagine taking care of her and a newborn, I panic. The girl CANNOT sit still- not ever. I am not talking about your typical energetic toddler. We saw plenty of those on our trip. Those toddlers fell asleep on a four hour plane ride. They'd sit in a stroller, shopping cart or wagon for at least 10 minutes without freaking out and throwing a fit. No, this is a different kind of restlessness and inability to relax. Holding her on our laps on the plane was an exhausting and almost impossible endeavor. If the fasten seat-belt sign came on and we had to keep her on our laps instead of standing between us and the seats in front of us, she would yell, wail, flail, wiggle and fight. We had all the essentials to keep her entertained- fun snacks, stickers, coloring books, toys, new books from the library, the aqua doodle, etc. Managing to get Coranelle to stay in one place for that long was enough to convince us that we will not be flying again... for a long time. We just spent a whole week at the beach and I never once laid on a towel and read a book. Actually, I never sat in a lawn chair. Not that I minded, we had a blast playing in the water and sand with Coranelle, I am just illustrating my point.

The way Coranelle manages to fight sleep is kind of astounding. She didn't nap well in Florida, despite all the sun, running and playing on the beach, and excitement. She was up by 6:15 most days, but didn't fall asleep until around 8:30. She's not really getting the recommended 11 hours a night of sleep that is needed at her age. It doesn't matter how early we put her to bed. It's typical for her to take 45 min to an hour to wind down and fall asleep. When she gets overtired, we seem to experience the dreaded night terrors, which we had two of this past week because she didn't sleep/nap and got overtired.

On top of her restless nature, I have been noticing more and more how much she depends on us to entertain her. I know this is my fault, but I am not sure how to force/teach her to play independently. We had a different routine and schedule on vacation, and that seemed to augment the issue. I could barely pour a cup of juice without her wanting me to hold her so she could watch. We have come to realize that me holding her all the time is not good during pregnancy (or ever at this age). It is taking it's toll on my back and neck. So, when I refuse to pick her up so I can take a few minutes to make a sandwich, cook, put clothes in the washer, type a quick e-mail, whatever... she freaks out and cries. Obviously, this is not going to work when baby #2 comes around. So, what do I do? How do I prepare her? What on earth is going to happen when I have to nurse an infant for 30-45 minutes 8 times a day?! I don't seem to be able to nurse within 10 minutes like many moms, so I am really worried about this. My mom said that when she nursed me, Stefan would just sit really close to her on the couch and watch. We have a problem there as my child literally cannot sit still! I am really quite concerned about this. We have lots and lots of toys, but she doesn't seem to want to play alone. I know she will change and grow up in the next few months, and I am hoping that she will grow out of her current neediness, but I don't know. I'd love some advice! She'll have to adjust to spending more time at home, playing on her own as we spend time nursing, waiting for the baby to nap, avoiding big crowds and the flu season for a while and I am concerned about that!

I've been hearing from a few moms recently who had their second kid this past month. It is almost upsetting to me to hear how easily their first child has adjusted, because I know Coranelle will not fall angelically into the role of being an older sister. I want to be able to find a sense of peace about this so that all of my worrying about what's to come doesn't stress out the little one inside of me! I fully believe that God won't give me more than I can handle. I know He'll give me the grace and strength to get through, and provide lots of people to help out and support me. Sometimes though, I feel as if Coranelle drains every last bit of me and I don't know how I'll properly care for two. So, I'd appreciate your prayers and advice immensely!

On a more positive note, the trip to Florida was a wonderful time to spend with Ryan, Coranelle, my mom and Steve. We loved it and I hope you enjoy a few of the pictures! Enjoy your thanksgiving week!

leaf piles

Playing with GPS this weekend!



17 weeks along.


I'm not actually going to write about leaf piles, I just drew a blank when thinking of a title and wrote the first thing I saw when I glanced outside into the rain/snow mix we have coming down on this chilly afternoon. I shouldn't be surprised that it is cold, it just seems as if we have had a gorgeous fall settle in this past month and I was getting used to spending hours outside everyday.
I don't really mind the change in weather- it is fun to get out some old sweaters and fleeces and feel like it could be an afternoon for hot chocolate. It seems about time to have a fire in our stove and hang out as a family reading.

Soon, we will be facing a stark (and welcome) contrast to snow, fires and hot chocolate, as we leave for Florida with mom and Steve. I am so excited to play in the sand, beach and pools with my little fish. She loves scooping sand and playing in the water and I cannot wait to do it in warm weather. Ryan has also been swamped with work and responsibility, so it will be wonderful to spend time together as a family! On that note, if anyone has suggestions for keeping my monkey of a child entertained for 3 1/2 hours on my lap during a flight, I'd LOVE to hear them! I am nervous about that part of the trip, but thrilled and anxiously awaiting everything else. I already have summer clothes packed in the suitcase and am currently looking at a stack of sand shovels and sunscreen that need to be tucked into bags too.

Here are a few updates on the last post: We have not had any more night terrors! I am not counting on them being over, but it has been a blessing to have a break from them. Now, every night before bed, we say a prayer and ask Jesus to keep Coranelle sleeping soundly and feeling safe. If I forget to say a prayer before bed, she'll say "A-mee"- which is her way of saying "amen" to remind that we still have something to do. She sits her little body quietly on my lap, with her hands folded, head against my chest, and listens until I say "amen" and she chimes in. No guarantee that the prayers stop the night terrors, but it was a fun habit to start and she is SO adorable when we pray that I had to paint you a little picture. Speaking of adorable, she just gets cuter all the time. I know I am biased, but it's allowed, so humor me. When we go to the rec center or church now, she happily runs in to play with the new toys... but always remembers to turn back and say, "Bye Mommy". When I return, she always runs to greet me and says good bye to everyone in the room and blows kisses. When I picked her up from her second successful trip to MOPs this morning (for a 2 1/2 hour period of time!), she was as happy as could be. (I know, because I picked her up and asked her how she was, and she said "happy.. happy") The ladies taking care of her said that she was a lot of fun and did really well. All the ladies at church know her by name now and get excited when she comes in and always make a point to tell me how much fun she is. (They probably say this to all the parents, but... it's true- she's getting to be SO fun!). I just love her so much!

Now, for all you moms out there growling at me because your kid is not sleeping, not eating, throwing tantrums, or whatever- don't hate me. I'm just focusing on the positives. We have tantrums- daily. We do. She gets frustrated that she cannot walk by herself in the grocery store or push the cart the whole time. She screams and howls at times when I try to put her in her car seat. She gets mad at me when I tell her she cannot stand on furniture and we have to put her in her crib for a time out. We deal with all that on a daily basis. But, what I love is that her little personality is coming out and she's learning how to express herself and it's so fun to see her becoming a little kid. She is such a blessing and I am so happy that I get to see every day. I missed her TONS this morning during MOPs and when my parents took her overnight on Friday for our date. I know it is great for her to spend time with other people, and great for us, but she is addicting!

On that note, we did get to go on a lovely date this past weekend and Coranelle had a sleepover with Grandmadele and GPS. We got to get coffee at Ozo, have a delicious dinner at the Med and enjoy Glacier ice cream and a movie. It was a much needed treat and wonderful to have some time to catch up with Ryan without a kid yelling, or wanting down or needing something. We need to do it more often! Coranelle did really well at her grandparents' house- except for not falling asleep until after 9pm, but she does that at home, so no complaints.
Here are a few pictures of our date.
Waiting for an hour at the Med. I didn't mind the wait at all because we could sit and chat and people watch!
We shared a latte at Ozo before dinner. My mom dropped me off to wait for Ryan to finish work on her way to take Coranelle to Longmont and I even had a few minutes to myself to journal! What a novelty!

My mind is drawing a blank for what else to report. But, before I forget, I have exhausted my list of books and I need some more ideas, hopefully before Florida. So, if you've read a great book lately, please share.

I hope you are all having a wonderful November!