What to change...

We've had a few really frustrating nights with Coranelle and I cannot figure out where I have gone wrong. We have done the usual when preparing for bed: Bath, lotion, PJ's, brush teeth, put oragel on sore gums, vics vapor rub for the remnants of the cold, read two books of Coranelle's choosing, prayers, pacifier, blanket, Doodle (the beloved stuffed dog), tuck in and rub her back while listening to music. Yes, that's the bedtime routine... to me- it seems plenty lengthy, but it's what she's come to expect, so I don't at all mind the half and hour + it takes. The thing is, she is not going to sleep. We haven't changed naps or bedtimes, so we put her down about 5 hours after she gets up from her nap (7:30ish). Given, she's never been one to fall asleep right away. We generally hear her kicking or talking for up to an hour. But, these past few nights, she's not just talking, she's screaming out "Mommy, Daddy". She's crying (hard) and then throwing out her pacifiers and standing up. We've been going in to try to get her to lay down and rub her back again, but she wont lie still- or else she'll scream out for me if Ryan goes in (which is frustrating for both of us). The last two nights, I have even cuddled with her for a bit before putting her down, singing and rocking her. But then she doesn't want to go in her crib. So, the question is, what now? Why this sudden resistance to bedtime? She's not in pain or anything because once you go in her room and pick her up, she's fine. She's just so smart. I'll go in frustrated and she'll want to kiss me and hug me and she'll say "cuddle?" in the cutest way ever. But, I know that her demanding nature has to change. For one, I'd love to have some down time after she goes to bed where I can relax and talk with my husband. Secondly, once the baby arrives, I know I'll be nursing him and getting him settled once she's down and I cannot be going back to her room multiple times. So, we decided we'll just have to sleep train her again and once we leave, we're done. It sounds so harsh, but going in to comfort her is not helping. It's been after 9 each night when she's finally asleep. Thus, I think this week, we'll be letting her cry it out, all over again. Yikes! Any suggestions or thoughts?

I often watch my kid and wonder what I did to influence her to be this demanding, or "encompassing" as my aunt said. I saw a friend this week who tried putting her 14 month old in the church child care for the first time and her daughter did awesome. No hesitation, no problem. Can I remind you, it took us almost 9 months of getting called out of church or rec center activities before Coranelle stayed in. She has recently been fighting that too- crying for a while when I hand her over. Where is this coming from? I have to try to stay strong and continue doing it because I know it's good for both of us. But what happened to her just walking in and saying "bye bye"? Is it just a stage? Talking on the phone is next to impossible because she is either trying to grab it or yell over me. If we are not talking to her or singing with her in the car, she has a terrible time sitting still or sitting quietly. Does she truly understand that her life is going to drastically change when her baby brother arrives, so she is being extra clingy? Is that why she so often still insists on being "UP"? I am just not sure. I'd love to hear some thoughts and advice on how to proceed and how to prepare her for the arrival of her brother in just over 3 months.

Christmas update

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We ended up having a really fun Christmas and I love the age that Coranelle is at. She had a great time opening gifts and playing with new toys, helping other people unwrap their gifts and throw the paper away. We celebrated with Ryan's family on Christmas Eve and started a tradition of making Cheese, broth and chocolate fondue and it was quite fun and delicious. We opened up the majority of presents Christmas Eve and then spent the night at their house. The next morning, we woke up to have fresh baked tea rolls, enjoy the hot tub and open stockings and all of the gifts Coranelle had been too tired to open the night before. She got some great gifts and has had a wonderful variety of things to play with since. She really got spoiled and it made me excited for the day that I can buy gifts for neices and nephews! We celebrated Christmas with my family on the 26th and had a nice afternoon and dinner together. All my siblings spoiled Coranelle and got her neat toys and clothes and books. She is one, lucky niece and granddaughter. My aunt and cousin came to our celebration and we got to have lasagna, play ping pong, and just catch up. It was truly a fun Christmas.

Meanwhile, Ryan is back to work and I am spending some time catching up with some college girlfriends and the girls that I worked with through First Pres in college. We're trying to get back into a normal routine.

I was hesitant to post another blog post after last time. As Ryan's uncle put it, "When your life, your heart and your blog is an open book, you take such chances." When you blog, you wear your emotions and thoughts on your sleeve, and they are open to individual interpretation. Your intentions are not always clear through writing and that is hard. I pondered giving up the blog, or just writing about surface level things like Coranelle and the baby's development. But, upon thinking more, I realized that this blog has been a good release for me. When I was struggling with big baby blues, writing really seemed to be a catharsis for me. Further, I have received so many great tips and advice and words of encouragement. But, when I post the link on Facebook, I think I open myself up to hundreds of readers who may not REALLY know me and may second guess my intentions, feelings, and motives. So, let me reiterate that this blog is not a space for me to publicly/ passive- aggressively criticize people. That's not who I am. If I have an issue with someone, I'll talk to them in person and not state some complaint for the world to read. This is just a space for me to share my thoughts and feelings and occasionally get feedback. Thus, this is the last post that will have a link on facebook. From now on, for those who are interested, they can just visit my blog site at their leisure.

Now for some highs and lows of this season:
Highs:
Seeing Coranelle be so excited to see family members! She learned Amanda and Rebecca's names this past week and was so excited to meet my friend Jaime's daughter- Grace. She kept saying "Baby Grace" and it was so fun to see the girls together!

Coranelle is articulating everything really well and it is awesome to be able to understand and communicate with her.

Coranelle is loving all of her new toys so much that it allows me to get some cooking done without her wanting up to see everything. She loves her new kitchen and making us coffee to drink!

Seeing Ryan and Coranelle together over Christmas just melted my heart! They are precious and I LOVE my family!

When Coranelle gets excited, she wiggles. That sounds really basic, but not only does she wiggle, she gets this big grin on her face as says (in the cutest voice ever), "wiggle, wiggle".

Seeing friends from my previous life (pre-mom) has been wonderful!

Feeling the baby kick and move all the time is such a joy!

Struggles:
I am fully aware that we sort of paved the way in our families with having kids. I'm not blaming anyone, nor do I want anyone to rush into parenthood. I just wish Coranelle had some cousins to play with! Sometimes it's hard to pave the way because we're the only ones who have to plan our outings around someone's naps, bedtimes, and dinner times. I am excited for some day in the future- whenever that is- when there is someone who fully relates to the role of being a parent!

I feel big! I don't know that I am a whole lot bigger than 25 weeks with Coranelle, but I just feel big. It's not as exciting to wear maternity clothes this time. I think I am gaining more weight and faster and that kind of freaks me out. I'm not looking for sympathy here or compliments, I am just telling you how I feel. I am trying hard to eat well and exercise daily, but I still feel big. And, as I said before, for some reason, when you're pregnant, it seems as if there is an unspoken rule that anyone and everyone is allowed to comment on the size and shape of your body. Try as I may to ignore it, sometimes it hurts my feelings when people call me huge! But, I think this baby boy is going to be bigger than his sister and I just have to keep my head wrapped around the excitement of his arrival and try to be a bit less vain about my body image!

That's all for now. Thanks for reading another random post! I hope you all have a truly wonderful New Year!

Clairification!

Okay, so I feel really compelled to make sure that my intentions for my last post "keeping up with the Jones" are clear. The post was merely a reflection of my own realization that I need to learn to be content in my own situation and open my eyes to all the great things that surround me instead of feeling jealous or bitter about people who appear to have more.
So, I was in no way trying to passive aggressively cut down or criticize people in situations that are different from ours. Let me try to cover all my bases here. There is nothing wrong with driving a new car- nothing. It's great and exciting. What is wrong is me being envious of other people's new cars when I have two great cars sitting in my garage. There is also no blame nor anything wrong with people living in nice new houses or going on fancy vacations. The problem is when I look at those things and take for granted our own wonderful home, the memories we have here, and how hard Ryan works to keep it looking great and making the payments. The problem is when I start to feel envious of other people's vacation plans and forget the great trips we took to WI, Fl, Breckenridge and Arizona just this past year.

I do not think, in any way, that people who make tons of money love their families any less. I was just angry at myself for thinking more about things than the great people around me. I have absolutely no problem with anyone who has a trust fund or is wealthy for any other reason. That doesn't make them selfish or greedy or bad in any way. I am the one that is greedy for wanting more.

As I have said many times before, I have nothing against moms who go back to work. Nothing at all. I think they work really hard and struggle with all sorts of guilt and time management and things I am not even aware of. Some moms go back because they need to, others because they want to and I think either reason is great. There is no perfect way to raise and take care of a family. I apologize profusely if my last blog made it sound as if I was being condescending to moms who worked. I just meant to say that I need to be thankful of the fact that I wanted to stay home and Ryan's job allows me to do that. I need to realize that many women would love to be in my position.

I was not trying to cut anyone down who receives extravagant gifts from parents. It's great to have someone help take care of you and spoil you. I was just pointing out how much I overlook in my own life. Not only do our parents spend tons of quality time with us, they also spoil us. They helped us through college debt- free, they helped us purchase our first cars cars, they come help us with house projects and babysitting needs. We hardly had to buy anything when Coranelle was born because we got so many great hand-me-downs and gifts. Really, I was just saying that we have it really, really good and I am too busy comparing to notice.

There will always be someone out there with more, with nicer things, but I really wanted to point out that most of have some pretty great things going for us. So, please don't think I was pointing my finger at anyone, saying they are living their lives wrong and not valuing the right things. I was merely admitting to my own selfish thoughts and my frequent inability to appreciate all the great things around me.

Keeping up with the Jones

What is it about human nature and our society that makes us feel as if we never ever have enough or do enough. How have we moved from being focused around family to focused on the income that comes in, how nice a car we drive, or how many square feet are in our house?

I have fallen into this mind trap quite often recently. We have visited friends’ homes for various parties and I find myself comparing houses, their sizes, the furniture, decorations, etc. I feel the little stab of jealousy when friends buy brand new cars and our new car is a 2003. I feel my stomach sink when I hear about someone who has a large trust fund or whose parents give extremely generous gifts for new babies or holidays. Why? Why do I feel this way? Why do I sometimes think that I should go back to work so that we can have nicer things? I feel and hear subtle looks and comments that make me feel almost embarrassed to tell people that I am a “stay at home” mom. So many moms seem to be back at work, working part-time or somehow bringing in some income and it makes me feel guilty- leech like- at times.

And really, these feelings are ridiculous. Truly. Yes, our house is 24 years old, and it’s not huge. But, we have 3 good sized bedroom, a wonderful fire place, a great layout and so many awesome memories here already. We have a great plan for our baby boy’s new nursery and I honestly love spending time at home. We have a great yard, patio, and wonderful neighbors and a perfect location. Sure, most of our furniture is hand-me-down, but do we enjoy our meals less sitting at a table that is as old as I am? Certainly not! Do we enjoy movie nights less because we don’t have the biggest TV out there? No. Ryan comes through that door in the evening and our house seems perfect and complete. Coranelle is happy playing on the floor of the kitchen, regardless of the fact that it’s not real wood. Further, our 2003 4 Runner is awesome! Really, it has tons of room, is comfortable, drives great and it seems as if every man who sees it, practically drools over the lift!

Do the gifts that our parents shower us with mean less because they’re not crazy expensive? Absolutely not! We have free babysitters whenever. Heido recently just purchased an entirely new, adorable wardrobe for Coranelle on Kohl’s clearance. Even my mom driving out to see us every week and treating me to a cup of coffee means far more than a check in the mail. The occasional pair of Christmas socks, a plate of English toffee- whatever the gift, they’re always very thoughtful. Our parents are deeply involved in our lives and Coranelle knows and loves them and that means so much more than money.

As far as going back to work, I cannot even express how empty my life would feel if I had to leave my kids all day, every day. I know that some couples choose this, or have to do it. But for us, I don’t mind having humble vacations instead of flying to Hawaii, driving an older car, living in an older house, and watching what we spend. If a date night means Qdoba instead of some fancy steakhouse- who cares? I get to be with my husband. If it means that our budget at Christmas for family members is $20 instead of $150, who cares. I still have fun shopping and picking out fun gifts. Budgeting seems like a small price to pay for the chance to play and interact with my daughter everyday. I get to teach her the colors, numbers, her letters, new words. We get to look for geese together, checkout to books together, cook and clean together. I get to have her kiss me and hug me and chat at me all day long. I am so absolutely grateful that my husband works his tail off so that I can have this opportunity. I think I need to retrain my thoughts to see how many great blessings surround me instead of comparing to everyone who appears to have more.

I realize this was a random post and just a splattering of my thoughts, but maybe some of the rest of you have felt this way too. Maybe this Christmas we need to stop every now and then to recognize how blessed and lucky we really are.

It takes a village

This past week was a rough one for us. All three of us took turns being sick and we had tons that we had hoped to accomplish. I found this week that it really DOES take a village to raise a child... and I need to humble myself and ask for that help in raising mine.

Tuesday night, Ryan came home from work and looking pained, he quickly made his way upstairs to throw up. There is nothing I hate more than seeing my husband sick and listening to him vomit. I quickly made a reservation for Coranelle at the Rec center and we left Ryan to be sick and try to rest without Coranelle begging to play with her daddy. We think he had food poisoning from an undercooked burger he ate at a lunch meeting. He made it to work Wednesday on a weak stomach. Tuesday night, I attempted to sleep on the couch, just in case what Ryan had was the stomach flu. I failed miserably in getting any sleep, as I felt a cold coming on and couldn't stop worrying about Ryan.

Wednesday night was another restless night for me and I saw every hour of the night pass. I felt the cold growing stronger, but my stomach was also uneasy and crampy. I got up at my usual 6am determined to get through the day, knowing Ryan had to go to work. I had to sit down twice in the shower and then again when I got out because I was so dizzy. Ryan sweetly offered to get Coranelle ready and take her with him to breakfast burritos while I got some extra rest. Before he brought her home around 8:30, I got up to get ready and promptly passed out. (At the dentist tonight, they told me my blood pressure was 90/50, so that might have something to do with it!) Anyhow, I should have taken that as a sign to slow down and ask Ryan to stay home or ask someone to come help me out, but I stubbornly got ready and made it look as if I was fine when Ryan arrived. It was a LONG day and I felt weak and achy all day, but we made it through.

Friday, Coranelle came down with a fever and I have not seen her that sad or fussy since she was 6 months old. She just kept crying and crying and wouldn't eat or play. My mom and I tried everything, and finally had to give her the pacifier to calm her down. She fell asleep while we were rubbing her back within about a minute (which is unheard of with Coranelle). I think she had a cold and the 6, yes 6, teeth that are coming in are giving her a diaper rash and bothering her a lot. So, we pushed through the weekend with a very clingy and sad child. We had our Christmas services at church this weekend and it took about 45 minutes for Coranelle to warm up to being in her toddler room so that we could enjoy the service.

By this point, I was so exhausted and frustrated, I was almost in tears. And then, I stopped for a second to reflect. I was able to enjoy sitting next to my husband during the service, because some wonderful volunteer offered to take my screaming kid and just deal with it until the service was over. Meanwhile, my husband was rubbing my back and neck very sweetly. I glanced behind me the the whole row was filled with big, burly, tough men in leather coats with worn faces. One man had tears of joy in his eyes and I realized how much I love our church and the people that it seems to reach out to and take care of. After the service, Ryan was sweet enough to take Coranelle home and take care of her while I had the opportunity to volunteer in the toddler room for the next service. It's something I've wanted to do for a while, and it was nice that Ryan made the extra effort to make it work.

Three times during the past week, I heard from Ryan's parents. They were offering to come watch Coranelle, have both of us over so we could nap, and come deliver groceries- or anything we needed/wanted from ANY store. This is after they watched Coranelle last weekend and Bruce spent two days helping Ryan fix our door. Looking back on the week, I know I should have received help more humbly, instead of trying to go grocery shopping with a toddler when I felt so light headed. Yesterday, my parents came out and played with Coranelle so that Ryan and I could go for a walk, get some errands done and do some house projects. It feels so nice to have had a little time with my hubby and to have our basement cleaned and organized.
Even Coranelle was helping me out. She wanted to vacuum for me when I wasn't feeling well. She kept kissing me and saying "All Better" to try to cure me!

I cannot express how much I appreciate my family and all they do to take care of us when we have rough weeks and are fainting and throwing up and crying inconsolably. I also keep looking at our fridge at all of the lovely Christmas cards we have received from friends and family and am reminded of how blessed and lucky we are to be surrounded by such caring, supportive people. People that have passed along hand-me-down toys and clothes, people that have taught us something about parenting. People that have given up their weekends to help us move, paint our house, put in a sprinkler system or a patio. People that bring us cards and gifts of congratulations when they find out we are expecting. As we move towards Christmas, I am moved by the generosity shown to us by others and hope that we can reciprocate that in future days and weeks to come.

I hope you are all feeling loved and relaxed in these last few days before Christmas.

pictures

I don't really have a any great inspiration for a post, so I decided to just put up some pictures and a few comments from the last few weeks. The above picture was taken while Coranelle stayed at her grandparent's house so we could go to Ryan's Christmas party. She spent the night there for the first time and did a great job. I think she had a blast!


Loving the time she got to spend with Grams. We're glad that it worked out so well because she'll be staying at their house for the duration of the time I am in the hospital with the baby. She seems so comfortable and happy there and that means a lot to us!
Being a monkey... nothing out of the ordinary.
I hear she was counting how many raisins were left in the bucket. I am sure she loves this bucket because it is Green, and green is her favorite color. She is learning all of her colors and can identify and say green, yellow, blue, pink, brown, red, and sort of orange. It is such a fun age of discovery and learning!
My little tomboy helping her PopPops with the chair pads- I think. I love that she is already using a hammer.
Eating her stars. What a cute picture. We've had a hard time getting her to eat much lately because 1. She has to do everything by herself. She points to herself and says "CoCoa"(which is how she says Coranelle. She hates help and isn't awesome with the spoon, so she eats about a third as much. 2. She has 4 teeth coming through on the bottom at the same time and it seems to have made her lose her appetite.
Here is Ryan and his baby girl at the zoo. I love them!

We took Coranelle to Zoo Lights in Denver on opening night with some friends and their son. She seemed to like the lights, but liked running around in the dark, holding on to her blanket, more than anything. The stroller was pointless, and she didn't want me to carry her, so I chased her through swarms of people trying to ensure that she didn't get lost.
This is Coranelle and her friend, Taavi. I met Taavi's mom through a breast feeding class when our kids were just a few weeks old. Taavi is 6 days older than Coranelle and his mom and I are both due with little boys mid-April. These two love to hug and kiss each other! It's precious!
Ryan and I went to zoo lights a few years back (pre- child). We were truly the only ones there without kids and felt really silly. It was a lot more fun to stroll around and look at the lights and animals with an inquisitive, wound up kiddo.
This is Ryan and me at his holiday Christmas party at the museum. It was a fun venue and we had a good time talking with all of his co-workers and friends and checking out some exhibits.
This is me at 22 weeks. I'm feeling pretty big, but still relatively comfortable. My stomach already cannot fit large meals and my neck and head have been hurting pretty much the whole pregnancy. But, all in all, things are going pretty smoothly and I am very thankful! I hope you are all enjoying the Christmas season! I'll try to come up with something a little more inspirational for next time.

and the gender is....

This is the first time I've blogged two days in a row for years, so don't get used to it. Just a quick post for those of you who are waiting anxiously in suspense to find out what the newest baby Mork will be. Boy or Girl.

We had our ultrasound appointment this morning. It was at 8:30am at the hospital- which is right across the street from the K-8 school that Ryan's mom works at. We had it all planned out to drop Coranelle of with her Grams while we went to the appointment. I don't think we fully realized the amount of school traffic that we would encounter at that time (even though I student taught there and am fully aware that school starts at 8:40). Anyhow, I told Ryan to go drop Coranelle off with his mom while I checked in. I was certain he wouldn't miss anything but me giving my urine sample and waiting. But, being that it was the first ultrasound appointment of the day and they wanted me with a full bladder, I was ushered right into the room with the ultrasound tech. I started to get all shaky and panicky because I knew Ryan was still in the school traffic and he had taken off time to come with me to the appointment. He was so excited! So, I squeakily asked the tech if she could wait to announce the sex of the baby until my husband got there and she agreed. She looked at everything, printed pictures, measured, checked the heartbeat, and still no husband. So, she covered up my belly and said, "Your husband better get here soon. I know what the baby is, but there is no guarantee that it will cooperate and I can show you". I almost started crying. But, Ryan arrived a few minutes later and she showed us both the baby. As she got down towards the leg/belly area, Ryan immediately said, "It's a boy!". And, it IS! A BOY! The little man was not hiding anything... not at all shy. So, we are positive.

We're so excited. SO thrilled. Actually, we don't really know how to act. We were just expecting girl so that if it was a boy, we could be pleasantly surprised. But, we both agree that we are used to a girl and not at all sure what to expect with a boy. Neither of us really let our thoughts go so far as to think about what it would be like if we did have a boy. Now, we have to wrap our heads around it.

Part of me is a little relieved that I won't have two teenage girls that hate me for a few years. :-) I was a bit nervous for that. And, I cannot even express how much fun I had with all my 9 and 10 year old boy students when I was teaching. I LOVED their sense of humor, their innocence, curiosity, and genuine kindness. As many of you know, most of my closest friends in HS were boys, so it will be so fun to raise one!

Ryan will be an awesome dad to a boy. I can picture them working on lifting cars, playing soccer, and smoking cigars together. (Not that Coranelle will not participate in all of the above, but it is a blessing that Ryan gets to father a son!).
That's all for now. I'll share the name once we are totally committed to it. Until then.... yay!